Day 47...

What I ate today... Thursday 28th February 2013

Breakfast...

All dry fried with a touch of olive oil.  Sliced mushrooms, cherry tomato's, 2 medallions of bacon.  Scrambled egg with mushroom, cherry tomato and black pepper all mixed in. (blended together using new toy!)  I know the egg is a 'grey' boring colour but tastes SO nice.

Snack...

Small piece of home made 'healthy' bar with fruit tea.  Basically I followed a recipe and made the bars!.. ok so first attempt they are thinner and slightly browner than I would like... but nice!  I will post the recipe below.

Lunch...

Tuna salad, with cucumber and cherry tomato's. 

Snack...  

Cut up half of a small melon and ate this!  Very refreshing. With the recommended 5-6 nuts!

Dinner...

Fresh salmon flaked and added to our own special rice!  100g of brown whole wheat rice, mixed vegetables.  I thin omelette cut into cubes and added all together with Special rices paste (on a previous day there is a photo of the jar).

Dinner looks very bland, I actually think its my lighting!  It tasted really good though! :)

I experimentd with my new gadget!  And blended all the ingredients in my scrambled egg!  OK so it does not look a 'nice' colour but it tasted good! :)

So yes... I decided to make some 'healthy' bars... looked all over the net for a low carb,low fat, low sugar and healthy snack.  This is what I came up with... saying that I am not 100% happy with it as to me it tastes really sweet!  Shocking I know me thinking something is too sweet!  The only real 'sugary' thing in it is natural honey... need to find an alternative as carb wise I think its too much.  I like it as its got nuts and seeds in it... I think I need the courage to just experiment with natural ingredients... maybe?

I should say as I got it off an American web site the measurements are in 'cups', I find this SO much easier to do than the UK way.  I left out the Bitter sweet chocolate and flax seed as I could not find any :(

The 'healthy' bars:

2  and 1/2 cups Unsweetened puffed wheat cereal
1/2 cup bitter sweet chocolate
1/2 cup Peacan nuts
1/3 cup Pumpkin seeds
1/4 cup Dried cranberries
x2 Table spoons Sesame seeds
x2 Table spoon Flax seed
1/2 cup Honey
1/2 Tea spoon Vanilla extract

Then I chopped the nuts up to smaller pieces, some tiny and others chunky.  Then basically heated up the honey and vanilla extract until runny and added to all the other ingredients.  Mixed it all together really well, then put grease proof paper in an oven dish.  Filled the dish with the ingredients and pressed down hard into the dish. To about the thickness of a 'normal' healthy bar size you buy!

Put in to the oven, on low!  Until golden brown! Keep checking as I burnt mine :(

Take out of oven, cool and cut.  It cuts easily when cool, and then store in an air tight container.

These are the details of it... Per Bar, going on 8 inches.

109 Cals
5g Fat
0g Cholesterol
7g Carbs
12g Sugar
1g Protein
1g Fibre
54mg Sodium

And that is that really!  Now if your reading this and think I could 'tweek' it somewhere... please leave a note :)  Its a learning curve!

Have another session with The Weight Loss Guys tonight and oooh its going to be good!  I am still actually hurting at the back of my legs from Tuesdays evening!  But I love it!! :)

Look what I bought!...

I was shopping and as you do... looking around in all the departments!  And come across this!  So looked at it and thought..YES! I can use that! And Han agreed with me!  To make our own sauces, drinks and soups and well anything else we could come up with!!  To be honest the box sold it for us! :)

When I 'experiment' with it I will post here!  Oh and if anyone out there has any recipes or ideas what I could make then speak up!!   

Day 46...

What I have eaten today... Wednesday 27th February 2013

Breakfast...

Scrambled eggs with baked beans.  Looks like loads of beans, not really they spread across the plate!  And its my small plate :)

Lunch...

3 cracker bread with wild red salmon on top.  With sliced cucumber with a pinch of chilli powder.  And 6 small silver skin onions.

Snack...

A new snack bar I found, that is all seeds and really yummy.

Dinner...

Chicken breast cut in half with garlic and chilli sauce inside and wrapped in 2 medalions of bacon.  Then wrapped up in foil and put in the oven to cook slowly.  With cauliflower, carrots, broccoli and green beans.

Today I am very aware that I have to eat more protein, I am trying not to make an issue out of this and just carry on, but making small changes.  So with lunch I ate wild red salmon.. hmmm I did not care much for it to be honest.  It was a trial food, tinned... and I don't like it!  So I think I will stick to fresh or frozen salmon!  Well in a way I am pleased I tried it, I thought it would of been like tuna in a tin... live and learn!

With dinner we tried something new, flavored chicken and then wrapped it.  It was really tasty and moist too.

Exercise...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Well exercise was like a 'naughty' word to me! Seriously its something I have never been good at and did not enjoy doing!  So I thought it more of a chore!  I saw no benefits apart from making me breathe really heavily and smell! (sweat!)  

Yes and OK over the past I have tried different things, exercise classes... they don't really work for me as I have no balance or co-ordination thanks to dyspraxia!  I do like swimming but not serious up and down swimming!  I like to just do my own thing.  And I like sitting in the steam room and sauna mostly!

So when I signed up to The Weight Loss Guys I kind of knew I would have to do some exercise!  As well as eating healthily... but OMG was it a shock what I actually had to do!  Watching the class I honestly thought how on earth me being me, the size I am, going to do or even manage one of those classes!  I class it more like circuit training!  Doing different exercises at different stations... crunches, sit ups, press ups, squats..etc.. in reps, 10 then 20  the 30 each time rotate around them.  It looked insane!! The first session I tried I literally nearly made myself sick!  And I worked so hard that all those muscles I had not used in a long time hurt like hell!  I could not walk down stairs, sit on the loo or in a chair without feeling pain!  It was good though!  I enjoyed it! What an odd thing to say! :)

So where am I now... OK so I still like exercise, I don't see it as a chore.  I like attending the exercise sessions with The Weight Loss Guys :)  And I still go swimming and relax whilst there!  And I think my feeling towards exercise have changed... I understand to do it brings a good feeling, happy feeling, and I like that feeling so do it more!  That is the 'dolphins'!! Han and I call it that as its easier!  Oh hope no 'health experts' are reading this?! lol 

Being the size I am I honestly never thought I was capable of doing half the things I do!  I think its mind over matter and now I have learnt to try it before saying, no cant do it!  Its funny because it always comes back to your mind and how you think and do things.  My mind is in a much better place than where it was before... accepting change and wanting change helps!  

Day 45...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

OOOh feeling good today!!  Why?? I am alive!!! I know what I have to do... smile and enjoy it!!  I can and will... and yes! Watch me!! :) 

Today is another day!  Today is a GREAT DAY!! Everyday is a day to do my best :)  And I can do this!!

What I ate today... Tuesday 26th February 2013

Breakfast...

2 medallions of bacon, 2 table spoons of baked beans and scrambled egg.

Lunch...

2 crackerbread with nutella, with strawberries and banana slices.  Also a bowl of fresh chopped strawberries, banana and kiwi :) mmm

Dinner...

Chicken breast diced with broccoli, carrots and cauliflower mixed with half a jar of Malaysian style Massaman and half a tin of reduced fat coconut milk (kind of a curry) Hot!!

The photo does not do it justice!  I agree it looks like slop!  Its a really tasty curry, quite spicy and really yummy!  I did not eat it with anything, no rice as I thought it would be filling enough without it...and it was!  I and Han enjoyed this and we are going to make it again.

Ok so went to the exercise session this evening and really enjoyed it!  Spoke to The Weight Loss Guys afterwards as needed to check I am eating OK... hmmm 

Well it appears a few changes are in order! lol

No nutella!
No organic peanut butter!
No porridge!
Only a few- ie: 5/6 nuts!

And it appears I am not eating enough protein!  So having a re-think and as of tomorrow am changing my foods about a bit! 

I felt good as they were impressed that I was logging all my food and this is a hard thing to do... being honest about it.  This is actually why I am doing this blog!  So I cannot cheat!  Photo's of everything!  And they could see what I am eating and make tweeks... its all good!

So my mission what I am looking into this evening is making my own low fat, low sugar, low carb, high protein bars!  There has to be an ingredients list out there somewhere that I can erm... borrow to make!?  I feel a cooking session coming on to find the perfect healthy bar!  I will if I come up with anything, make and try it and post it!  Should be be interesting! :)

Day 44...

What I ate today...Monday 25th February 2013

Breakfast...

1 sachet of porridge with 1 sliced banana... the porridge is in there somewhere!

Lunch...

50g of brown wholewheat rice with sprouts, carrots, peas and broccoli with 1 chicken breast chopped up. (studying... lunch break!)

Dinner...

50g brown wholewheat rice with veg and egg and 1 breast chicken all nicely made into a special rice dish! (hmm pretty much the same as lunch!) I liked it!

I wanted to make a note about the dinner I had... it was really quite tasty, almost like having a 'real' chinese meal!  I bulked mine out with vegetable and it was amazing!  If it were given to me in a take away box I would of thought it was from our local take away!  Seriously Han was really impressed with this too and we have both decided to buy this again! :) mmmm

Getting back into blogging what I am eating again!  Its like a visual check to me and I see now as a part of me, just what I do!  And if I decide to have 'something' off plan I will put it in here as I want to learn why I ate it or what I felt about it...its all a learning experience trying to understand why I eat what I do.  But I have been really good... hmmm no re-phrase.. I am trying to eat healthily, and winning!!  

I think at the start the way that worked for me and Han was to cut it all out, cut out the high carb content foods... they after all were the foods killing me.  Oh thats deep!  Seriously yes they were!  I basically lived on a high fat, high carb diet and was a ticking time bomb.  No more though!! I can honestly say that I have not wanted those things I have missed, gone passed that now!  Sure I think about them, who does not think about chocolate!! But I make the decision not to eat it!  OOh YES! I make that decision!! How good do I feel right now knowing its my choice!! OMG!! cool! :)

Day 43...

What I ate today... Sunday 24th February 2013

Breakfast...

2 bacon medallions with scrambled egg.

Lunch...

Half a carton of lentil bean and barley soup.  I think I need some new skills in judging half a carton! 

Dinner...

Plain cod filet with (wagamama) chilli sauce on top.  With sprouts, peas, carrots and broccoli.  And fresh pineapple, pear, peaches and other nice fruits!

Taking a leaf out of one of my friends books... Selina I am going with the flow now!  One day at a time and what ever happens, happens for a reason!  :)  I feel alive again! 

Thinking...

(Borrowed off Google Images)

Over the last couple of days I have been thinking...  I did get a little low at one point as I thought I was destined to be fat.  But then I realized that its ME and ME alone that can sort this!  So I posted this image I borrowed off Google Images and I think it says it all!  

It is strange how people cope with things, I just thought no! something else now!... what ever next!  But like I say after thinking about what I really want... and that is not to dwell or be negative about anything that has happened to me.  Its to be positive that I am actually OK and I can and will do this.  I was not looking for an excuse but I am really aware that if I was in the wrong frame of mind I could of just held my hands up and said.."enough is enough" and thrown the towel in.  Just as well I am stronger than I was and that I actually do want to lose weight this time.

I discussed this with my daughter and said that I cannot believe that its one thing after another, I just want to lose weight!  Han is very supportive, I guess we bounce off each other and encourage one another which is nice.  She gave me a virtual slap and basically made me see sense that I need to do it, and made me remember why I was doing this!  She's great!! :)

when I go back to The Weight Loss Guys this coming week its all change, with the switch over onto the new scales.  So I am just going to get weighed as planned on the Friday and start again... I am not going to dwell on what the difference is between what the old and new scales say.  Its just unnecessary stress I could do without!  

OK so from now on I am going to take each day as a new challenge and do my best every day.  Eat healthily (as I am doing) and exercise... looking at it on a daily basis makes the challenge seem really manageable.  

My new motto is one day at a time! :)

 (Borrowed from Google Images)

Day 42...

So its Saturday and its been trying to snow!  Outside its freeeezzzzing :(

I have been very busy with my Open University work, reading and getting to grips with the work.  Building up to writing an assignment to hand in about the middle of March, the first of many! 

My leg is still a little sore, tight and swollen... fine really I think.  I have all the weekend to 'recover' and next week back on the exercise.  Saying that I think a swim is in order :)

I was really gutted to miss ALL of last weeks exercise sessions with The Weight Loss Guys, I guess no point dwelling on it now its done!  So looking forward staying positive... next week is another week!

What I ate today... Saturday 23rd February 2013

Breakfast...

1 sachet of porridge, made with semi-skimmed milk.

Lunch...

Half a carton of  Lentil bean and barley soup, really tasty.

Snack...

2 crackerbread with organic crunchy peanut butter.

Dinner...

Chicken, carrot and green bean kind of casserole...with sweet potato's roasted. Got to be the worst photo I have taken! lol

Quite a tiring day really... a little while after dinner Han and I are going for a swim... :)

Day 41...

Today started out great, felt very positive and was going to exercise in the evening too...

Now if your reading this and thinking I am talking in the past tense this is because I am!  See I had a very eventful day yesterday and am updating it now! 

But totally out of my control at a doctors appointment for a totally unrelated issue the doctor asked the question... are you generally feeling well... OH No!!  I had noticed yesterday that my left leg was feeling rather tight and a little painful and today just before attending the appointment I wanted to wear some little boots, well could not do them up on my left leg so was starting to think the worse.  I have an old DVT injury to my left leg and it has in the past clotted again causing me lots of pain.  So naturally I am concerned so mentioned it... hmmm The GP said best be safe and sent me to the hospital to get looked at there and then.  So that appointment was at 3pm and missing the middle bits out I eventually got home for around 10.30pm!! A long day! 

Not only that as the hospital had to take blood this was a major head ache for me as I am so difficult to get blood out of :(  It took the staff nurse 6 attempts and he failed, then I had to wait for an antithesis to take blood!  She got it first time!  So yes 7 now nice bruises on me from that! :(

What I ate today... Friday 22nd February 2013

Breakfast...

Scrambled egg, dry fried egg and beans.

Lunch...

2 crackerbreads with organic crunchy peanut butter.

Dinner...

In the hospital I shared a wholemeal tuna sandwich with Han, we ended up having half of a sandwich each.  With about 5 cups of tea and coffee!

When we got home around 10.30pm we were tired and went to bed.

Some photos of Han making light of the fact we were in hospital!  Never a dull moment!

Why list...

OK so this is my 'why' list, why I am on this journey...

MY WHY LIST...

1. Don't want to be an NHS statistic.
2. Don't want to die.
3. Don't want to get type 2 diabetes.
4. Don't want to get heart problems.
5. Don't want to get joint problems.
6. Want to feel happy with myself.
7. Want to be able to shop in any outlet.
8. Want to feel comfortable.
9. Want to feel comfortable with the clothes I wear.
10. Don't want to wear dull boring clothes 'tent wear'.
11. Want to be able to say 'no' and make the right food choices.
12. Want to be a good role model for my daughter.
13. Want to pass on good habits.
14. Want to feel happy.
15. Want to not be puffed out walking up stairs.
16. Want to be able to run up the street... if I want to!
17. Want to be able to wear knee length boots!
18. Want to be able to wear wellingtons!
19. Don't want to be embarrassed about myself.
20. Don't want to feel awkward in a room.
21. Don't want to be stared at.
22. Want to buy matching underwear.
23. Want to wear healed shoes.
24. Want to feel comfortable in a swimming costume.
25. Want to be able to sit on 'plastic' furniture without fear.
26. Want to enjoy exercise more.
27. Want to feel proud of myself.
28. Want to be healthier.
29. Don't want to be fat any more.
30. 
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.
40.

Day 40...

Today is Thusday 21st February... 

I am back to recording everything after my little jaunt! :)

What I ate today...

Breakfast...

Was fruit and plenty of water!


Lunch...

Mushroom omelette with mixed salad.

Dinner...

Roast chicken pieces with roasted vegetables.

That has been my day today!  I want to write more but am extremely tired... its gone 1am! :(  So will leave it now and up date tomorrow ...

Amsterdam...

Sorry its taken me a little while to get organised to write this up :(

I will post a few photos, we filmed the whole epic journey!  So once my daughter has 'edited' it I will post a link and if you like you can take a look!  Mostly with us laughing! :)

So I am now back from Amsterdam, Han and I's epic journey!  Gosh we had fun!!

Ok so it was Saturday evening (16th February) and Han and I looked at each other and we needed to get away... just for a break... so we checked flights and looked for a place to go.  We very nearly ended up in Milan!  But opted for Amsterdam as neither of us bad been there.  So we booked it online and were delighted as it left Sunday!  Arh but we are based in Southern England and the mini-cruise left from Hull... North as far as we were concerned!  hmmm it was gone 1 am and we decided to go to bed as we planned to leave at 7am in the morning!  Jon did not come with us on the trip, my parents were happy to check-in with Jon 2 -3 times a day and they are just around the corner so things were fine, and Jon wanted us both to go. :)

Now following the healthy eating as we are, we did wonder how we were going to stick to it, so we both said if there was no healthy option available we would make the next healthiest choice and share it, so that we would therefore not have a full portion of it!  It was a plan!! 

We traveled up the motorway and made it to Hull in one piece!  The furthest we have both been up the country!  We did on route stop at a few service stations...OH my they are terrible... NO healthy food, just junk food and coffee... we ate Mcdonalds scrambled egg!!  They thought us strange but we were wanting to try to stick to it.  And yes we had coffee... Starbucks and Costa! :(  

So parked the car and headed into the terminal... OMG the cruise ship was in the dock and it was massive!  We really could not get over the size of it!  OK so we have been on teh cross channel ferry boats many a time.  This 'ship' was much bigger and we could not wait to get on board.   Went through all the usual baggage checks and queued up and then boarded.  

On board we had an amazing cabin... after we upgraded! :)  It was the size of a hotel room!  A front corner suite called the Delft Suite.  We actually had this room on both outward and return journey's because we enjoyed it so much.  

This is Han and I in the Champagne lounge!! Drinking what else but champagne! With the manager!! He wanted in on our fun! :)

So set off and went to the buffet restaurant and we were both very good :)  A few photos below of what we ate in the evening, out and return.  It was basically salad and cold fish!  I love prawns so I was in my element!  And broccoli!!  Oh there were plenty things on offer, but we chose to stick to 'healthy' foods.  And we both are proud that we did this.

I actually drank a fir amount of water too!  I know this is shocking!  I think it was because it was in nice bottles!  Oh what am I like!  But it worked!  :)

For breakfast we both ate fruit, there was a fruit basket supplied in our room so we had that with copious amounts of 'nice' bottled water in our mini bar! Yes we had a mini bar!! We drank the fresh orange, we did have full leaded pepsi, asked at reception for them to change it to diet/light and they happily did!  Bonus!! So we could drink that too if we so chose!

The 'ship' sailed over night and arrived in Amsterdam at 8am the following day.  P & O arranged buses to take the passengers into the town center which was great.  We were not going back to the ship that day, we stayed 1 night and 2 days in Amsterdam.  So after being dropped by the central train station in Amsterdam we opted for the nearest hotel!  There was logic behind this... so if we got lost all buses, taxi, trains could be told to go to the station! We found a hotel Ibis right next to the station, great and convenient!  Booked in left the luggage and went exploring!  :)

we did absolutely loads of walking... wish we took a pedometer with us as I am sure we would be really shocked at how far we actually walked!  Amsterdam is a lovely place, all the people we come into contact with, in shops, in the hotel, the museums were all so friendly and spoke excellent English.  

This photo was taken on one of the many bridges by a canal, in front of a bike park.  We found the amount of bikes amazing... so so so many of them.  

Me at the Anne Frank statue... we wanted to go into the museum but the queue was dreadful, at least a 4 -5 hour wait, maybe longer.

Han outside Anne Franks house, she was gutted we could not get into see it.

Me enjoying a coffee in a cake shop!! Just look at all those cakes! lol

Han at the Rembrandt statues... 

Me at the Rembrandt statues...

OK so... this was our 1 yes only 1.... indulgence!  We were tired and cold and needed warming up so went into a huge department store and sat in there coffee shop and thought hmmm yes a hot chocolate!  Well.. OMG!! this came!! It was NOT what we were expecting!  I should of guessed by the price, the two came to nearly 10Euro!! lol  And yes we did drink them!  We had actually forgotten what chocolate tasted like!  And well it was really nice!! :) mmmm

We both had an amazing time and loved it... so we are now looking at maybe a full cruise somewhere... with that as its all on board Jon will be able to come and join in with our fun!  :)

There may well be another update to this, once Han has sorted out the photos and edited the film! :)

Days 36, 37, 38 and 39...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

The blogs for Sunday 17th, Monday 18th, Tuesday 19th and Wednesday 20th February 2013 will be updated later.  The reason for this is as I am taking my daughter on a short break to Amsterdam... to relax!  And to be honest we both need to 'get away' for a little while and chill!  

A little sight seeing whilst still eating healthily is on the cards... I will still be taking photo's of all I eat, and there will be photo's of us both relaxing and having fun too.  

See you when I get back! :)

Day 35...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Slowly I WILL get there... you just watch me! :)

What I ate today... 15th February 2013

Breakfast...

I sachet of porridge and 1 banana sliced and added.

Snack...

Handful of mixed nuts.

Lunch...

Half a pot of chicken and vegetable broth, with 2 table spoons of brown rice added.

Snack...

Organic rhubarb yogurt and raspberries.

Dinner...

Wild salmon with (wagamama) chilli sauce on top, with roasted sweet potatoes and carrots.  With streamed green beans, cauliflower and broccoli.

I know my evening meal is on a large red plate... its all vegetables and very healthy.  And it was really filling, the salmon was so nice, I will buy it again.

So had a bit of a rushed day today, went to maths, been told will be doing an exam, so naturally stressing over that now!  Oh its no major exam, level 1 and level 2 exams to see what I can remember and they will go from there! Hmmm I just think AAArrrgggghhh 2 exams! 

I then went to the hospital and had my ultrasound, Oh I must of drank a gallon (if I knew what that amount was!) of water... yes water!! A break through!  Its was Volvic, mmm not so bad, I like that!  So been there did that, have to wait for the results now. 

Then went to my exercise session with The Weight Loss Guys and all started well... then I had a total melt down. :(  I think its a build up of a combination of things, the 'rear' photo of me, realizing I am SO much bigger than I thought I was, then getting round my head the full extent of what I am doing, and how long its going to take.  OMG!!! I was just so overwhelmed and broke down and cried, and cried!  Looking at it now I feel just a tad silly.  But I understand why I did it... It all just felt SO hard.  Dont get me wrong, I know its a LONG, HARD journey I am on.  I know and realize now that there are going to be hurdles to get over, but can do this with help and support.  I have not lost my enthusiasm or motivation... no no, more than ever I want to do this.   I have made the biggest step and that is deciding to change, then changed my eating habits and put exercise in my life.  I AM doing all the right things... I have to keep going and enjoy this change in my life.  I will look back at this moment and think, yes that was the moment I realized how bad I wanted to change.  And to help me understand why, I am going to make a huge list 'why' I want to and am changing.

I guess reflecting on this 'episode' I can see that maybe it was going to happen sooner or later... the sheer reality of what I am doing is immense.  I come across as really positive, motivated and happy and confident, underneath I guess I am really scared.  Scared as I dont really want to die, or get any health complications and I have dodged that bullet too long.  I mentioned it before that I am a ticking time bomb, and I have a lot to think about and a lot of changes to make.  Changes not just for now, for the rest of my life.

Before embarking on this change in lifestyle, I recognize the fact that when feeling low or sad I would eat, eat chocolate, crisps, sweets, toast... pretty much anything really.  Not now though, I am putting all of my effort into wanting to change that I would not sabotage myself now by eating 'junk'.  And this takes huge willpower from me as I feel the urge to eat because this is what I know.  I hope that by not eating 'junk' now feeling like this I learn form this and become a stronger person.  And if I stumble again, I will be able to pick myself up and know I am stronger as I beat the urges, and eventually it will become a habit that I do not reach for 'junk' when feeling low.

I am going to take The Weight Loss Guys advice, chill over the weekend, relax and regain my inner strength and know that I am doing something about it.  And that I can and am doing something about my situation.  

(Borrowed from Google Images)

I will sleep on it and tomorrow will write my list WHY...