Well after my 'episode' of embarrassment last night, with the 'rear' photo of me... in reflection now it seems I really had no clue as to how big I actually am. And to be honest it really shocked me, I am not depressed over it, no no. Just feeling slightly sad as I guess I was in denial? But I ask myself how could I be in denial wearing size 30-32 clothing?! I know this is a rather big size... I think my brain was not connecting the fact I wear large clothing and there for my body size/mass is larger than normal! I seriously don't feel that big, but when I look at the photo I know its me... its all rather puzzling. Or maybe, my brain thinks I am smaller, as I really should be and that is why it was such a shock!? Hmmmm
And something else that is on my mind, all those TV programs I watch about people being super morbidly obese... I would fit right in there, and that is shocking. I think this is what is getting to me the most, the fact that I could be anyone of those individuals. Who was I kidding? I know now!! Me!! OMG!! I was basically living a lie, thinking everything was alright with the way I looked... hmmm
I am as they say a ticking time bomb... could at any moment develop diabetes type 2, joint and back problems and heart problems. OMG!! How I have managed to not get any of these problems is beyond me? I have to fight now to make sure I do not develop them... I can do that by loosing weight and living a much healthier life style. WHICH I AM NOW!!
On a really positive note now, I am going again to the exercise session with The Weight Loss Guys. I am really determine to work hard tonight, make my fat cry as they say! lol You know thinking about it, if anything this photo of me has made me very aware of what I look like and I don't like what I see so its up to me and me alone now to do something about this. And OMG will I!! :)
(Borrowed from Google Images)
Breakfast...
2 medallions of bacon, 1 dry fried egg and a few mushrooms
Small pot of melon and grapes.
Half tub of chicken and vegetable broth.
Handful of mixed nuts.
Dinner...
Chicken breast with mushrooms, peppers, carrots and green beans... in a bechamel sauce with 3 table spoons of half half white/brown rice.
Just to show the plate difference!... And before I used to fill the whole red plate!
Snack...
Lovely Organic rhubarb yogurt with raspberries and strawberries...especially for Valentines Day!
What a great day! :) I am back from my exercise session and OH NO!! This evening found out that they have new scales and will be getting weighed on them as from tomorrow... I say OH NO because I had to stand on them this evening so it could be calibrated and recognize me from tomorrow. To be honest I was excited as its new, they don't just weigh you, they track body mass index (BMI) too and a few other things too. I was informed that because they are different and on different flooring they will record a different weight... I don't think I was quite prepared for the difference though. :( But I have to look at this positively and let the weight be recorded...draw a line under it and carry on... knowing the difference is due to the new scales.
The one thing I have noticed is that I cannot balance very well doing certain activities, my dyspraxia! I have been taught a few different way s of doing things this evening, to try to strengthen my right hand and arms. My right hand is weak from an injury, I could not judge the distance of a glass door and went to close it and put my hand and arm straight through it. Cut tendon and nerves, and now I am left with a few lovely scars... looks a bit like a shark attack! :) As long as I try, and do my best this is all that counts.
Tomorrow is a busy day for me... I have extra maths tomorrow 1pm - 3pm, to help with my dyscalculia. The sessions are nice as there are only 5 of us in the class and well I am doing maths right from the start. This is to help me pick up basic concepts again and to also see what I am missing. When I was taught in school, Oh so many years ago its thought that I was not taught or did not pick up the basics of maths, so I have to go back now and learn it all! Apparently its linked to my dyslexia and dyspraxia... all very frustrating at times. Then after that I have to go to the hospital for an ultrasound scan, I have to drink and drink and drink plenty of water... not actually looking forward to that. Its to help find out the cause as to why I am so anemic. Then its back home, change and off to The Weight Loss Guys for weigh in and exercise! Its all go tomorrow!
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