I have been thinking

Hello again,

I find myself thinking a lot these days, perhaps too much time on my hands! But one thought keeps returning: the one thing I wish I’d had throughout my education journey.

It may seem small to some, but for me it feels huge. Being autistic, I often need validation to feel that I am good enough in what I do, especially with the thing I love most, hand embroidery. This isn’t about regret or complaining about what I didn’t have. It’s about processing the gap between what I expected, and what I actually received.

During my textile degree, I longed to use hand embroidery more. Most projects were only five weeks long, leaving little space to explore it deeply. Only my final project, three months long, allowed me to really stitch in the way I wanted. Then covid arrived, and lockdowns stripped away many of the opportunities I had hoped for. I was especially looking forward to the natural dye elements, dreaming of dyeing my own embroidery threads to stitch with. Instead, pre-dyed fabrics were posted to me, and the embroidery we were shown was limited to basic stitches, treated only as embellishment. Despite making clear at interview how passionate I was about hand embroidery, I felt that side of me was never really nurtured.

Yes, I graduated with a First Class with Honours in Textiles, and I am proud of that. But it wasn’t in hand embroidery. I still feel like something is missing and that I am an imposter. What I crave is not “just another certificate.” It’s something I can hold in my hands, see, and touch, a tangible reminder that I am a skilled hand embroiderer.

Yes, I continued to stitch during my MA, but again I felt the target was slightly missed. The focus was more on facilitating than on discovering who I was as a hand embroiderer. Facilitating is valuable, of course, but at that stage I longed to explore my own voice and direction, not simply prepare to hand it over to others.

That said, I gained so much from my time at university. Attending in the first place was something I never thought I was capable of, and graduating, not once but twice,  gave me confidence I didn’t know I had. It pushed me to break through barriers I once thought impossible.

But where is all of this leading? As I’ve mentioned before, the one place I dream of studying is the Royal School of Needlework. If it were possible, I would wholeheartedly apply and even fund another degree myself. Sadly, with the school being based in Hampton Court Palace, a Grade I listed building,  it simply isn’t accessible for me, and that door remains closed.

So what else is there? Where else can I find the validation I need? For me, City & Guilds feels like the right step. I’ve recently applied for a bursary, and I truly believe this route could empower me. Holding an accredited qualification would not only help me believe in myself, but also give me the authority to share embroidery with others, knowing I have the proper foundation to do so.

My family say I don’t need that piece of paper, that I’m already good enough. But for me, it means more than paper. It’s validation, proof, and a symbol of credibility. Hand embroidery is part of my daily life, and having a qualification in it would give me the confidence not only to honour my own ability, but also to share the joy and wellbeing it brings with others.

So no, this isn’t about collecting certificates. It’s about something much deeper: having visible proof that I am good enough, and a positive reminder that will help me step forward with confidence to inspire others through the art form I love.

If you have time, I pose these questions, what is your view?

• “Have you ever felt the need for validation in your own creative journey?”

• “What’s the one thing that helps you feel ‘good enough’ in what you do?”

• “How has embroidery or another craft helped you grow in confidence?”

• “What does hand embroidery (or your craft) give you that nothing else does?”

• “Do you believe we ever stop needing validation, no matter our age or stage?”

• “What gives you a sense of purpose in your creative life?”

  Thank you for popping by

  Until the next time...

Now what??

 I have been really quiet, this is because I am really out of sorts.  What am I trying to say? 

I feel..... odd.  

Really odd.

Why you ask?

I will try to explain, this came in the post...

Now you would of course think I am happy, yes of course! I now hold a BA (Hons) First Class degree in Textiles and now a Master of Arts in Arts Practice (Arts, Health and Wellbeing).  I am entitled to write my name like this!! 

Jacqueline Morris, BA (First class Hons), MA

Ok, so going back to the odd feeling, I started this journey a long time ago, in fact I posted it here, 16 March 2017!! The day I found out I got accepted into university!

I have been non stop studying since then, and you would think that after all that time I would welcome a break? hmmm

I loved the learning, no I was a sponge and craved the learning, I miss the learning, I miss all the project work and creating.  Sure I am now being creative under my own steam but I really miss the structure and freedom within that structure and actually loved the deadlines! What am I saying? I guess I don't really want to stop studying!

Am I crazy?

Do you know I had this dream way back when I got into university to become Dr Jacquie! Seriously, I know I need a PhD, that would give me the DR.  Why am I not applying to do this? It's the end, there is no more levels after this, and that to be honest is scary as I enjoy the studying process.  I am aware that studying for a PhD can take up to 8 years, this actually makes me jump for joy! But then my bubble bursts as it's the highest qualification, I can't go any further.  It was brought to my attention that I could go study another BA if I wanted to! But this is challenging as my heart lies in hand embroidery and there are no courses solely for this.  Oh yes, the RSA (Royal school of needlework) does a BA degree but I cannot attend there, there premisses is in a Grade 1 listed building, well palace! and has no disability access to the floors the degree is taught on.  

So I am feeling odd with no clear direction on what to do.  

I feel I should, rather it's what people want me to do,  take time out, breathe and relax from studying.

hmmmm

I am sad, I am filled with sadness, I want to pick up my embroidery, but I am sad.  Maybe I should just roll with this feeling as a kind of grief for the loss of the learning?

until next time....

New Challenge - miniatures

 I mentioned in my last post that I was creating miniature house plants, I am really enjoying this process and wanted to share it with you all.

So far I have created a Yucca, spider plant, rubber plant and Chinese money plant.

I bought a wooden display unit, other half painted it for me as it was raw wood, and I plan on filling it with my miniature house plant creations. The green pots are some I had a go at creating with air drying clay then painted, they are very quirky. There are more paper plant creations on the bottom row.

I love being creative, I decided to paint some house plants next on postcards.

I have been really inspired by tiny tiny paper house plants, and actively creating these too, mostly for me to understand construction. They are fun to construct. The plant stand is approx 7cm high.

Until my next update, keep smiling 😊

Its July and I have had my head in the clouds

Hello again, 

I have been having a little identity crisis.  I will try to explain:

As you all know I returned to higher education as a mature student and gained a First Class with honours Textiles Degree and a Masters.  I have been in education a long time and to be honest I am finding it really hard to readjust without having the reliable routine.  

What not many of you are aware of is that I have a diagnosis of Autism amongst other learning difficulties.  Returning to higher education was a massive challenge and at times I did feel like I couldn't do it, but persevered. My autism affects me in multiple ways, thankfully throughout all my of higher education I have had an amazing mentor who helped me though it as well as helping me to understand myself.  My main difficulties surround social contact, social interactions and conversation amongst other issues.  I threw myself into the deep end when I applied to university, and to be honest I still cannot believe that I actually went! And got a degree!! Having a reliable routine helped me to have a sense of order in my life, it's only now without it I can see I am not coping as well.  As this title of this post highlights, it's July and I have had my head in the clouds, literally have no idea where the time has gone.  That's another thing, I have no concept of time, I arrive and go everywhere really early as I don't want to be late.  

And what have I been doing? Tried to get back into my cross stitch and embroidery, but I got too overwhelmed with the choices I have and ended up doing none. In fact I ended up seeing my embroidery as an outlet that overwhelms me rather than something that relaxes me.  This went on for what seemed ages, I love to create 3D hand embroidery as it really challenges me.  So I made a bug, it didn't turn out how I expected at all but the process drawing, designing then stitching and making gave me a purpose again and I really enjoyed it.  This is him, I called him Boris, that in itself isn't odd from me, see I call everything Boris! Boris has a purpose too, doubles as a pin cushion, pins can be stuck in his spots.

 

 I then wanted to do something fun as I thought Boris was a little too serious, a sea inspired pin cushion.

I hear you asking, what's with the pin cushions? Why pin cushions? Interesting question, the answer is two fold, I design and stitch things to give myself purpose and I need what ever I create to have a purpose too.  

Now as I write this I am embarking on a major project, one that has given me purpose.  I am designing and stitching miniature house plants.  Sounds odd I know, but I need to feel challenged and this is really filling this need.

Here is where I am:

And currently embroidering a miniature spender plant, photos to follow.  

I will find my path, just may take a little longer that expected, as long as I enjoy what I am doing and feel challenged, that's really all that matters I think. In the mean time I will enjoy buying plants, I love nature, plants make me feel happy.

My cheese plant is rather large now (sorry about the dark photo)

It's darker than it should be within our home, the windows have a tint on them, bright UV light affects my eyes and by dulling the light I also find this more calming.  You can see through the open window the difference the tint makes and peeking through there is a lovely sky.

I am going back to my spider plant now, but wanted to leave you all with one last photo(s), me relaxing with a cat face mask, it appears I cannot get this right either! Very challenging, I put it on the wrong side! I did turn it over, not that it made much of a difference.  It was really nice on my face as I kept it in the fridge, cold, cucumber and aloe, very nice.

                                  

Until next time......

What am I stitching?

 Hello friends, 

I have had a little sort out and decided to give rotating various cross stitch projects a go!  I thought I would start with 3, just to see if I can manage them:

1. Blue Ribbon Design - Botanical Blessings

2. Blue Ribbon Design - Behind The Gate (A Halloween Calendar)

3. Historical Sampler Company - Heart Pot Sampler

1. 

The Chart, what eventually it will look like!

This is where I picked it up again after oh so long being on the shelf.  

Progress! It's slowly coming together.

These flowers are really lovely, I thought a good place to stop and rotate.

Goodness, I will have to try to take brighter photos! Looking very dull, I assure you the colours are really lovely.

2.

The chart, what it will I hope resemble!?

                        

Taken from the cover to help visualise what I am stitching.  This is for Han and K as they love Halloween.

                

This cross stitch had not been started so I decided to start with the hanging pieces.

HUGE learning curve making these!! OMG! well I only just left enough fabric around each square! Note to self leave a bit more!! That's not a design error, the instructions are really clear! I just cannot follow instructions very well! Somehow I managed to pull them together.

Front.

Back.

3.

Where I found the cross stitch, I was searching for something traditional that I could adapt and make more personal.  I will be adding a more personal touch to this sampler and turning it into a wedding day heirloom for han and K.

                          

                              

                            

This is where I picked it up again from.

This is where I am now after stitching.

A little personal touch added here, hang and K have a cat (on right) called Eggy Bread and a dog, a pug called Lancelot on the right.  Something to note about Lancelot is that he has a wonky ear that's always down! Also one eye after recently having it removed when he had a cyst. This is only one of many quirky personal bits I will be including.

Let's see how this goes! I am not sure how often to review this, maybe once a month? Then hopefully you will be able to see my progress.

Until the next time..