Now what??

 I have been really quiet, this is because I am really out of sorts.  What am I trying to say? 

I feel..... odd.  

Really odd.

Why you ask?

I will try to explain, this came in the post...

Now you would of course think I am happy, yes of course! I now hold a BA (Hons) First Class degree in Textiles and now a Master of Arts in Arts Practice (Arts, Health and Wellbeing).  I am entitled to write my name like this!! 

Jacqueline Morris, BA (First class Hons), MA

Ok, so going back to the odd feeling, I started this journey a long time ago, in fact I posted it here, 16 March 2017!! The day I found out I got accepted into university!

I have been non stop studying since then, and you would think that after all that time I would welcome a break? hmmm

I loved the learning, no I was a sponge and craved the learning, I miss the learning, I miss all the project work and creating.  Sure I am now being creative under my own steam but I really miss the structure and freedom within that structure and actually loved the deadlines! What am I saying? I guess I don't really want to stop studying!

Am I crazy?

Do you know I had this dream way back when I got into university to become Dr Jacquie! Seriously, I know I need a PhD, that would give me the DR.  Why am I not applying to do this? It's the end, there is no more levels after this, and that to be honest is scary as I enjoy the studying process.  I am aware that studying for a PhD can take up to 8 years, this actually makes me jump for joy! But then my bubble bursts as it's the highest qualification, I can't go any further.  It was brought to my attention that I could go study another BA if I wanted to! But this is challenging as my heart lies in hand embroidery and there are no courses solely for this.  Oh yes, the RSA (Royal school of needlework) does a BA degree but I cannot attend there, there premisses is in a Grade 1 listed building, well palace! and has no disability access to the floors the degree is taught on.  

So I am feeling odd with no clear direction on what to do.  

I feel I should, rather it's what people want me to do,  take time out, breathe and relax from studying.

hmmmm

I am sad, I am filled with sadness, I want to pick up my embroidery, but I am sad.  Maybe I should just roll with this feeling as a kind of grief for the loss of the learning?

until next time....