Firstly so so sorry for not being here! I would of. Loved to of shown you all what exciting thing I have been doing......not yet! Sorry you will have to wait a little longer!
Yes it's been a little while..... Han had her birthday, it was a wonderful 21st celebration. This year we got a small cake as only three would be eating it... Han loves Hello Kitty so that's what she got!!
I have missed blogging, missed popping in on all you lovely people.....and missed you all popping in on me too!!
I bet your all wondering what I have been doing?!
Stitching....yes I have been doing plenty of that!! But can't show you any of it yet!! 😁
Here is an update to me.... If you don't want to read, that fine, honestly.... Thank you for popping in.
I went away for a night! Ha ha yes an unexpected overnight stay in hospital! Pleased to of not stayed longer! It's once again another quandary and I am a oddity!
I have had some devastating news that I am still trying to process... I had a specialist knee appointment and everything was reviewed and more x Rays were taken.
The outcome was not good at all. Apparently being almost 45 I am far too young to even be considered for a replacement knee as in my life time I may need up to three replacements. It's not cost effective and it's dangerous so they tell me, due to me being high risk category for infection. Not to mention the weight I have gained being stuck in bed... Being on blood thinners too.... It seems everything is against me. The outcome is that they (the NHS) are not offering me a new knee or any treatment actually as nothing will 'fix' me so I have to deal with it. Coming to terms with the fact I will never be able to walk again properly without either a wheelchair or maybe crutches on a good day is hard. It's really hard to accept and has made me very depressed.
Not many of you are aware, some maybe.... But being house/bed bound is distroying me. Loosing my independence is hard, thankfully my family are very supportive. Unfortunately all the weight I have fought years to keep off me has crept on and more. Laying/sitting in bed, I am not burning up much so what ever I do eat stays. And due to me still not eating normal meal amounts I am still eating small amounts throughout the day... And you guessed it, all the wrong foods too!! Bland foods it is! I am trying other foods but it's hard, hard to eat healthily when I get ill with bad stomach cramps and start vomiting without any notice.
Staying positive is extremely hard... When I really have nothing to look forward to... I mean it's not like I will get better over night! So Han and I have come up with a plan. A plan to get my head in a better place, a plan to make me feel better as me again... Do you know what I mean?
I am going to tell you all and write about it here in my blog, then for me is real and I know it happening!
We next week we will be taking out yearly memberships to David Lloyd gym and swimming pool, for several reasons. To get me up and moving more.... To help me feel like a normal person again. And hopefully when I start moving about I hope to lose some weight. Han has already warned me for a while it's literally going to wear me out, just moving but we hope it will get easier. I know it's going to be tough, just getting out of bed causes so much pain and discomfort, sometimes reduces me to tears. So I know it's not going to be a walk in the park... Saying that though, I am really looking forward to getting in the pool, I love water so cannot wait. I will only be using the pool, it's enough.
I had a lady from the NHS visit me at home to see if she could help to improve my diet in any way. This is difficult too as I still cannot stomach any milk or dairy products... I am now on a waiting list for a psychological assessment as they want to rule out eating disorders. I wish I wish I could eat. Like I used to... It's so frustrating. I am plodding on... Kind of treading water wishing something would come along and help me....or maybe wake me up as I feel like I am in a dream. The lady managed after several attempts to weigh me and when she told me I burst into tears... Having tried all my life to reduce my weight and now being in a situation where I feel so out of control I still don't think I am over the shock. I wanted to post my weight here as a visual record..... Maybe to inspire others, to say I am not giving up...
It's shocking to me as its the heaviest weight I have ever been.
24.6 stone or 156.2 kg or 344.9 pounds
Not good, but like I say I am not giving up.... I have to fight this.
So as well as being on my stitching journey you will all be on my life journey... Hope you don't mind? I did consider doing another blog and keeping this one for crafts. It just would not work as I would get all mixed up!! And this is me now, I am fighting to get my life back.... Stitching is actually keeping me sane!!
Sorry I have said so much in this blog, but it all had to come out!! My next post I will share more with you :)
Thank you all so much for popping in to see me...
I will be back soon, until then keep smiling 😊