Tuesday, 24 May 2016

What on earth??!!

Firstly so so sorry for not being here! I would of. Loved to of shown you all what exciting thing I have been doing......not yet! Sorry you will have to wait a little longer! 

Yes it's been a little while..... Han had her birthday, it was a wonderful 21st celebration.  This year we got a small cake as only three would be eating it... Han loves Hello Kitty so that's what she got!! 

I have missed blogging, missed popping in on all you lovely people.....and missed you all popping in on me too!! 

I bet your all wondering what I have been doing?! 

Stitching....yes I have been doing plenty of that!! But can't show you any of it yet!! 😁

Here is an update to me.... If you don't want to read, that fine, honestly.... Thank you for popping in.

I went away for a night! Ha ha yes an unexpected overnight stay in hospital! Pleased to of not stayed longer! It's once again another quandary and I am a oddity! 

I have had some devastating news that I am still trying to process... I had a specialist knee appointment and everything was reviewed and more x Rays were taken.  

The outcome was not good at all.  Apparently being almost 45 I am far too young to even be considered for a replacement knee as in my life time I may need up to three replacements.  It's not cost effective and it's dangerous so they tell me, due to me being high risk category for infection.  Not to mention the weight I have gained being stuck in bed... Being on blood thinners too.... It seems everything is against me.  The outcome is that they (the NHS) are not offering me a new knee or any treatment actually as nothing will 'fix' me so I have to deal with it.  Coming to terms with the fact I will never be able to walk again properly without either a wheelchair or maybe crutches on a good day is hard.  It's really hard to accept and has made me very depressed.

Not many of you are aware, some maybe.... But being house/bed bound is distroying me.  Loosing my independence is hard, thankfully my family are very supportive.  Unfortunately all the weight I have fought years to keep off me has crept on and more.  Laying/sitting in bed, I am not burning up much so what ever I do eat stays.  And due to me still not eating normal meal amounts I am still eating small amounts throughout the day... And you guessed it, all the wrong foods too!! Bland foods it is! I am trying other foods but it's hard, hard to eat healthily when I get ill with bad stomach cramps and start vomiting without any notice.

Staying positive is extremely hard... When I really have nothing to look forward to... I mean it's not like I will get better over night! So Han and I have come up with a plan.  A plan to get my head in a better place, a plan to make me feel better as me again... Do you know what I mean? 

I am going to tell you all and write about it here in my blog, then for me is real and I know it happening! 

We next week we will be taking out yearly memberships to David Lloyd gym and swimming pool, for several reasons.  To get me up and moving more.... To help me feel like a normal person again. And hopefully when I start moving about I hope to lose some weight.  Han has already warned me for a while it's literally going to wear me out, just moving but we hope it will get easier.  I know it's going to be tough, just getting out of bed causes so much pain and discomfort, sometimes reduces me to tears.  So I know it's not going to be a walk in the park... Saying that though, I am really looking forward to getting in the pool, I love water so cannot wait.  I will only be using the pool, it's enough.

I had a lady from the NHS visit me at home to see if she could help to improve my diet in any way. This is difficult too as I still cannot stomach any milk or dairy products... I am now on a waiting list for a psychological assessment as they want to rule out eating disorders.  I wish I wish I could eat. Like I used to... It's so frustrating. I am plodding on... Kind of treading water wishing something would come along and help me....or maybe wake me up as I feel like I am in a dream.  The lady managed after several attempts to weigh me and when she told me I burst into tears... Having tried all my life to reduce my weight and now being in a situation where I feel so out of control I still don't think I am over the shock.  I wanted to post my weight here as a visual record..... Maybe to inspire others, to say I am not giving up... 
It's shocking to me as its the heaviest weight I have ever been.

It's ....

24.6 stone or 156.2 kg or 344.9 pounds

Not good, but like I say I am not giving up.... I have to fight this.

So as well as being on my stitching journey you will all be on my life journey... Hope you don't mind? I did consider doing another blog and keeping this one for crafts.  It just would not work as I would get all mixed up!!  And this is me now, I am fighting to get my life back.... Stitching is actually keeping me sane!! 

Sorry I have said so much in this blog, but it all had to come out!! My next post I will share more with you :)

Thank you all so much for popping in to see me... 
I will be back soon, until then keep smiling 😊


  1. Dearest, sweet Jacquie - I have been worried about you...not hearing from you...I am so deeply sorry to hear your news. You have a loving, supportive family and many cyber friends who care about you and want to be part of your journey. The pool sounds like a wonderful idea. Please, please keep us posted and in the loop. We care - and are deeply concerned, though you may be "over the pond" for many of us. We are cheering for you, my friend.

  2. Jacquie,thank you for sharing all of that in your blog. Your readers do want to know what it going on with you. I am so sorry to hear that nothing can be done about your knee at this time. But I must say that you have a gem of a daughter! What a wonderful thing she's doing with you in joining the gym. It sounds like she's going to be your biggest cheerleader. Please keep all of us readers posted on how you're doing. And you keep smiling too!

  3. Pool is an excellent idea! There is much less pain when you trying to move in the water. I know it will be challenging to get to the pool but, once you there you will be so happy.
    To support your efforts I'm going to the gym too! I bought the membership a year ago and never went yet... (shame on me). Love and hugs.

  4. Jacquie, thank you for being brave enough to share with us. Please keep us posted and let us encourage and cheer for you. That is a huge amount of information to process and it will take time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Big hugs.

  5. Han has a great idea there.........battle thru and every day you will get a little better, a little stronger,
    moving sure does help reduce some of the other pains...........and if nothing else it will get you OUT of the BED and out of the HOUSE and seeing something different so that will be good for your mental health too.........I am quiet sure stitching saves many people so your not alone there.......

    I certainly don't agree with the no knee replacement idea...........who cares worry about the second knee when you have to.......you could be dead by then and that could be from old age......they are making hem better and better so it could last much longer.......

    I to am fighting some of the same battles as you.......your not alone......write it here......i'll read it.....we are here to support you.....don't forget about us.......beside we need to see what amazing cross stitch your buzzing away with too......
    GO GIRL you can do this....they might be able to say no the the medical stuff but there is more power in the positive thinking then what they think......GO J GO J GO J...........

  6. It takes a lot of courage and trust to share things. So thank you for sharing with us. Han has a good plan for you and I'm sure it will help you reduce weight and gain some appetite.
    Praying for you my friend.

  7. Sorry about the things going on at your end and it is really a helpless situation when all the troubles come together and there are very few solutions open. I admire your determination and I am sure it will work for you and you have got a great family support too. As for food, there are other options where you can eat healthy with taste - Mexican, Indian, Italian....just a suggestion, I guess depends on in case you have allergy to certain food items. It is always good to share, takes lot of courage but helps a lot in depressed feeling. Take care.

  8. So sorry to read of your continued health issues Jacquie. The pool sounds like a great idea. You have many friends who care about you - hopefully this will help you to stay positive.

  9. Oh Jacquie!!! The bloody NHS, they should just work out how to replace your knee and let you get on with life!! So what if it has to be done again at some stage, at least you would be mobile!!! Ok rant over!! Lol!! Yay for Han!!! Going to the pool sounds wonderful for you, hopefully it will help with your weight, at least you will be getting out of the house and doing something different, which has to help your state of mind. Write what ever you need to here on your blog, we are here to support, listen and encourage and support you...oops lots of supporting!! Lol!! Hang in there Jacquie...sending many positive thoughts and hugs...looking forward to seeing your stitching when the time is right!! xxooxx

  10. Keep a positive attitude and know that you have many friends who care.

  11. Honey hard though it is , at least you have the answers now and your destiny now is in your hands and the journey you decide to take, your choice. Thinking of you .

  12. Han is genius! This is going to be great for you two. You have been through this before together, you know what to expect at the pool. I am SO VERY PROUD OF YOU JACQUIE. My goodness, you are BRAVE! We are here for you! One step(hobble?)at a time! Sitting at home will not improve things and NHS can not be depended on.

  13. You are very brave to share all of this with us. I look forward to reading about your journey and cheering you along the way.

  14. I hope you and Han have lots of fun in the pool and enjoyable times together with your new plans.
    (Hugs) xx

  15. And breath .... ok Pool fantastic .. just do baby steps but often you need to pace yourself as it will be hard ... but the results will be worth it ... I am also on a weight loss program as I have come out in sympathy with you with my left knee and I am having to do excercises to make it stronger and to stop the knee cap popping out .. sooo we are in this together ....so far just being on Slimming world I have lost 2.5 stone :)and I am getting out for a small walk most days with Master Bentley ... keep smiling and we are here for support for you :) love mouse xxxx

  16. Jacque, I'm brave woman! I keep our fingers! Everything goes well in the end!

  17. Stay positive my friend , and never give up faith .
    We are all here for you, hugs .

  18. What a hard period you are living... seems really difficult to fight and stay positive, but don't give up, try at your best and never loose hope!
    You and your family will finally win the battle I'm sure, even if it's a long way.
    Good idea the psychological help, I know very well what a eating disorder is, and you will definitely benefit of this kind of help!
    I give you a big big hug!

  19. Oh my dear, this is so difficult. I really don't know how to talk to you and what to say. I can only say I am thinking of you and sending you positive vives so that everything goes well.I know you will fight for it! That's all I can say.Love to you.AriadnefromGreece!

  20. I think the pool is a great idea! I hope it works. You should be able to move around more without having too much pressure on your knee. Even if you're just walking through the water it should help. I'm sorry things are so bad for you right now I hope they get better. I need to lose weight as well for health reasons maybe we can do something together.

  21. Lovely cake for Han's Birthday. Getting into the pool sounds great, I did aquanatal when I was pregnant with the Large Boy. It was a really lovely way to take the weight off my feet.

  22. Jacquie, you are not alone. My cousin needs two new knees as he is walking around with bone on bone right now. His doctor also won't conduct the surgery until he gets down to 240 lbs because they won't last long enough at his current weight. But unlike you, my cousin won't even tell us how much he weighs. And when I watch him eat, I would think he was told to gain weight! I am so proud of you revealing your weight, and taking steps to change it. Swimming is a wonderful idea. So much less pressure on the knees, but great exercise. You will hurt the day after (and even more the next day) but then it gets better. I'm actually going to suggest this to my cousin! I also have weight issues that I deal with. I haven't told anyone this before, but I was 223 lbs! I finally said enough and went on a strict low carb diet. It has worked really well for me and I'm actually down to 165 lbs now, and people keep telling me how great I look, but more important to me is how great I feel! Its a really hard journey you are on, but I know with the support of your wonderful daughter you will succeed. And I will be following and supporting you as well!

  23. I am so sorry for your difficulty and problems.Jacquie, have a look at Aloe Vera and it's properties. I don't know if there would be anything beneficial here but one never knows.Take care. Best wishes Shirley N.Z


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