Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Interesting day...

This is Han's new hair colour!  She went out hours ago to the hair dressers and came back with this amazing colour on her head!  I think its great she can express what she wants to... with what ever colour she likes!  

The first thing she said when she came back was when was I getting mine done!  Hmmm yes it has been known in the past that I would on impulse got the same cut and colour as Han.... but hmmm not in this instance!  I would never be taken seriously ever again!  But why do I think like that?  I do like it... but I guess I am not as brave as Han!!

Any way... well I am still ill :(  So damn tired its unbelievable, thankfully I go and see the consultant this time next week (23rd April).  Not something I am looking forward to but I know I have to go.

Yesterday my mum went into hospital and had a pace maker fitted.  She had 3 leads connected, instead of the normal usual 2.  I think this is due to only half of her heart actually working.  She is 'alright' and putting a brave face on.  Its scary stuff really... I and I hope the pacemaker does help my mum.  I guess we will know in about 6 weeks, that is how long it takes to adjust to her body and show signs of improvements.

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Been thinking...

Its funny what people think about...

Well all this that is happening with my mum, with her heart and with my dad too.... oh yes he is a walking time bomb too... he has had stents fitted and has very high blood pressure.  It made me seriously look again at my life...

OK so I realized that I do not want to die... this is actually a major fear of mine.  None of my family has died, I just dont want to!  So I know I have to sort myself out!!  But that in its self is a really hard task... I mean its all well and good stating OK I dont want to die so I am and will sort myself out... hmmm its actually doing it!

OK so I know the GP's and NHS will not help me... I am not at risk.  By that I mean I have no diabetes or heart/joint problems so according to them I am fine and dont need their help.  I question this all the time, and to be honest it infuriates me.  For the simple fact that I have been very over weight all my life and I obviously need help!  But cannot get help as I am not a statistic yet!  I thought it should be more about preventative that a quick fix?!  I am not asking for mountains to be moved... just some support and help.

OK.. so I am on the healthy eating regime, for one this regime is not cheap!  I mean I eat fresh vegetable and fruit and other things like plain fish and plain chicken breasts.  It all adds up and to be honest on the low income that we are surviving on its very hard.  But I know I need to eat healthily, I know I need to exercise... these things are not cheap.  Sure I can walk around the streets, jog too!  But really?!!  That is not me... I need motivation, I need to be pushed I need to know someone is watching me... it takes it to another level for me and makes it all very real and then how can I give up!?

I feel like its ground hog day... I swear I have spoken about this before!

Its all well and good me talking about this... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!!!

Its HARD as I cannot exercise at the moment due to being anemic and having no energy what so ever... I have enough to function, not much more to do anything else :(

I just want to...AAArrrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

OK that is out of my system!  So down to business....
Take one day at a time!!
Until I come up with something better!!! :)

Ooooh yes what did I eat!

Mixed bean salad with a mint sauce, silver skin onions, beetroot, feta cheese squares with sun dried tomato... and tuna mixed with a little mayo.

I really enjoyed eating this, apart from the black beans in the mixed bean salad.


  1. I so sympathise! Ultimately we are left to our own devices unless we are getting to an emergency situation or have a clearly defined disease. For those with underlying or chronic problems which are difficult to pin-point or will take long-term support, there do not seem to be the resources available. Are there any groups in your area, rather than slimming groups, which also exist to focus on health and fitness? Otherwise it has to be the internet for our support:) Good luck, and keep believing: you will get there.

  2. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, I feel OK but there is so much going around my head!

    Hmmm I have tried to find a club or meeting place to speak to individuals... you know to pass the time of day and put the world to rights! There are none that I know of, if there are some, they are well hidden!

    And yes it seems I must rely and use the good old internet! Its just not the same as meeting people in person. :(

    I am not giving up... trying to stay positive :)

  3. How about starting a group yourself? There must be loads of people in your area that could do with the group support but cant afford any of the slimming clubs.

  4. Thanks Karen... in principle its a great idea and I would probably love to do something like that...but... you knew it right! There had to be a but!

    Well I have my hands full, caring, Open Uni studying and running my daughter about! My Open Uni modules are keeping busy loads at the moment, I am currently on 2 modules, soon to be 3!! So any free time I have now goes on studying! Oh I love it, studying gives me focus and I enjoy it too.

    I think it terrible in order to get healthy or try to get healthy you need to spend more than you would if you were not... 'junk food' is cheap and quick, but in many cases not filling. Healthy food is very expensive, takes longer to prepare and in the end satisfies and fills you more. There is no balance... its the same with exercise, unless your happy walking about the streets then that too costs money!

    I put the 'junk' into my body, I have to find a way to get it out! I started this blog as I knew by writing things down would help me see sense! Or help me at least understand what I am going through... with help from 'folk' popping in to share their views and opinions.

    I thank you for commenting I do appreciate it as now I am thinking about something else! Something that I had not considered! And your right there must be others in the same situation as me...


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