Tuesday 24th December 2013...Christmas Eve...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Well yes... Its my anniversary, been married 4 years today :)  How the years fly.

Here is the card I got my husband (Jon).. cute right!

Went around my parents for afternoon coffee and cake and Jon gave me a present... to be honest I was in a little shock as I was not expecting it. This is what he gave me...

A beautiful Clogau oak leaf ring.  I am THRILLED to bits he bought this :)  I think hee hee I have been dropping hits all throughout the year though!  I mean my wedding band I had nearly lost several times due to it falling off my finger.  I was a size M/N and now I am a size J... big massive difference.... I have tiny fingers.

My parents and Han bought a lovely basket display with poinsettia and roses and other flowers... its beautiful.

My mum had filled in their card to us with a little verse...

May the love you share, 

Grow like the acorn into a mighty oak...

I think its beautiful and very apt seeing as what Jon bought me!

So yes I am feeling very loved up right now :)

Its Christmas day tomorrow... how quick that has come around.  I plan to take some photos of everything and post on my blog.  When I get around to it!

So until then..

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Friday 20 th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Thought I would start by saying Merry Christmas!  And thank you for being with me along this journey...so  far!  

Well today I went to the physio to do a session in the aqua pool... different!  But good progress I think.  My left knee is in a bad way, I think this helped.  I have to go back for more sessions... so fingers crossed it helps and my knee improves.  Han came with me and took a photo whilst I was in the treatment pool... she says I look like a dwarf!  Funny thing water!

Yes me in a swimming costume in the water... hmmm I would never thought for one minute I would ever post this kind of photo!  To be fair it does not show a lot!  But its still me!!  

Then we had coffee and I had a prawn salad in the hospital cafe..

Went and did a little food shopping after this... OH MY!! I dont recommend it! Its just mad out there!  Seriously no where to park and people ramming everything they can into their trollies.  I am not going shopping again... I refuse until after Christmas!

At home... relaxing as my knee is hurting, well the physio did say it would :(

maybe more later....

Wednesday 18 th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Well...goodness!!

Its almost Christmas and I have not stopped!  

Yes... not been on as I was revising for a Maths test and then an English one :( 

But I am here now! :)

I have no idea what is going on with me right now?  I mean I know I am not getting enough sleep, I have lost interest in all food.  Yes you did read that right!! All food!!  I am finding food so damn boring at the moment... no matter how I 'pretty' it up or be adventurous with it.  I am actually finding excuses not to eat!  I mean .. what ever!!  

Take today... I took my mum out to do some Christmas shopping.  We walked about a bit... we had a coffee.. I had a 1 shot skinny latte with no extras...no cake, no biscuit, no sandwich... not even a scone!  Then more shopping and then we had lunch.  She likes Pizza Hut so that is where we ended up.  OMG... now previously bear in mind I could eat a whole extra large pizza myself and more!  I love Pizza Hut.  OK... so we had the buffet, cool a mixture...salad, pasta and pizza happy happy!  Well so I thought!  At the buffet bar looking at the pizzas I was so uninterested it actually scared me!  I mean.. me not wanting to eat pizza?? I went to the salad bar and did not really want to eat that either.. but put a token selection on my plate.. bit of lettuce, coleslaw and sweetcorn.  Then wandered back to the pizzas... thought I should so put 2 small, yes I chose the smallest triangles!  They were a vegetarian one with onion, mushroom and spinach I think?  Sat down and pretty much forced myself to eat it.  And this was the first food I had had all day.  See I have no idea what is going on?  

Its now almost 5.30 pm and I am sat at my computer drinking a home made strawberry shake.  Its made with semi-skimmed milk and a handful of frozen strawberries from my freezer.  I am basically drinking this because I know I should have something.

I have not been able to do any exercise still... due to my damn knee.  I have physio this Friday, in the aqua pool so that should be interesting, helpful too I hope.  I am actually getting fed up of not doing anything.. I know exercising will help with me not sleeping... but I cannot exercise :(

Do you know I just feel like screaming.... maybe I should it may help me to feel better about myself right now?  Maybe, well I hope this is just a phase?  Ha ha yes a phase of not wanting to eat...not the wanting to scream! ha ha

When I feel like this I dont feel like blogging... but I forced myself to do it...to see if it would help?  Well to be honest I guess its nice to get off my chest what is bothering me.  

Hmmm... food over Christmas is not bothering me.  I dont like it!!  I really dont!  I am and have not been eating any meat... I dont like Turkey so that is fine!  OK I will eat the vegetables... I dont like Christmas pudding, or cake so no worries there!  And yes I like Cheese cake but we dont have it this year as dad is a diabetic.  So I think it will be a dull Christmas dinner for me this year... if I eat it!  As for all the nibbly snack bits.. I guess I should eat something... maybe I will cut up an apple and nibble that?  Aaaargggh food!!

I have all my presents... they are not wrapped but I have them!  I should really wrap them... when I get a minute.  Are you all prepared for Christmas?

Gosh this has turned out to be a quite depressive post... sorry :(

I have broken up from college now... until the 7th January but I have home work to do.  To prepare for an English exam my first day back!  damn!!  And I wonder who turns up to that?!!

Ok... so I will post again... maybe every other day over the Christmas period?  Or maybe I will just go with the flow and post when I feel like it?!  I will post though... promise :)

Later.....

Saturday 14th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Yipppeee I can post photo's again! :)

ha ha not that there is any photo's today! ha ha aha

See its now gone 6 pm and I actually have not eaten anything all day! OMG!! Nope nothing!!  Hmmm I have had 2 coffee's though :(

Ok will post later when I have had dinner!! 

...

Friday 13th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Damn!! No pictures of any kind today as Blogger as decided not to up load them!  :(
I hope to upload them at a later date.... (next day) Yippppee I can put pictures in! :)




aaarrrrgh I want to post some photos.... :(

Ok... so today I again skipped breakfast... ho hum!

Lunch was brown wholewheat toast x2 slices with 5 beans mini pack.  Very filling and tasty.

Dinner was something really yummy I made... I am calling it my green healthy mix.  Its Wholewheat brown rice with spinach, peas, green beans, mange tout, sweet corn, sprouts mixed together with garlic! mmmmm

Photos to follow! :(

Not feeling this no photo... not being able to add things and the damn colour and font keeps changing... I will update this tomorrow..


Ooooh do you think its because its Friday 13 th !!!??? ha ha aha

OK... photos added the next day... must of been the Friday 13 th gremlin! 

Thursday 12 th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Thought I would go with a Christmas theme for the 12 days of Christmas count down....

Gosh today I am feeling tired :(

I guess because I have not stopped... dropped Han at college today, her back is hurting today.  I should explain about her back...

Well when she was little it was thought she had problems with her hips, they were very clicky and grinded a lot.  The doctors never actually did anything as they thought it would get better as she got older.  And now she is older it appear there are more complications.  She went to the GP a little while ago as the pain was terrible and getting worse.  They took and x-ray and said the bottom part of her spine was twisted.  We were then sent to a skeletal specialist and he wanted an MRI scan done... we went Wednesday to get this done and it left Han in a lot of pain.  So now we have to wait fir the results of the MRI ... the appointment is not until the middle of January!  That is the story so far!

So some days Han is in a lot of pain getting up and moving about, and we are trying to get the problem sorted.

Its now just gone 12.30 and I needed some food!  So thought what could I have... so opted to jazz things up a little and made myself a strawberry milkshake!  We have frozen strawberries in our freezer and I basically just added them and some semi skimmed milk to a blender and hey presto milkshake!  mmmm

What am I up to today... trying to relax!  Maybe chill and do a bit of stitching... Han wants me to stitch some gift tags for her presents!  So I guess I had better get on with that!! ha h ahaa

Until later.....

I made sausage casserole for dinner... OMG! It was awful.. I took one bite and left it.  It confirmed to me that I dont like meat.  So I did not eat anything for a while as it put me off food for hours.  Later in the evening I ate some cheese on toast.

Han come home from college and said that someone had taken her Derwentwater art pencils.  She was distraught and really upset, she gets very attached to things and loved her pencils.  I just have no idea as to why people think its fine to take others belongings.  I mean these pencils cost us over £60 and Han used them every  day at college.  Now we have to find a way to buy more... its so frustrating and upsetting.  

Feeling deflated today...

hmmmm

Wednesday 11 th December...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

A busy day!!

Dropped Han at college, did some running about, you know the post office, the shops and home again... before I knew it it was 3 pm time to pick up Han.  But picked up Han and friend as they needed to go to Brighton to watch a band they bought tickets for a while ago.  So a late night... dropped them off then drove back home.  The time seemed to fly today not sure why it just did!  At home, had some dinner and then looked at the clock at its 10 pm... back in car to Brighton to collect Han and friend!  Dropped friend of and home... yes sat down about 11.30 pm and just could not go to bed then as I was buzzing!  So sat at chilled for a bit watching TV and went to bed around 1 am.

Food wise... well I really have no clue as to why I am not eating when I should be... its starting to get on my nerves!  Maybe its because I am so busy ... some days?  Other days I dont do a lot so maybe I am confusing myself?! 

This is what I ate today...

5 beans with toast.

I did attempt to eat a sandwich during the day, did not like the bread so ended up just eating the cheese filling!

hmmm not doing so well today.. note to self make more effort!

Tuesday 10 th December 2013....

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Hello!!

So today has been a really tiring day, I have been at college since 10.30 am until 8.00 pm  tonight.  I have now maths support sessions with start at 10.30 am and are a real help to try and make things sink in!  Then its a general support session, how things are going at college, if I have any worries that type of thing.  Then its Maths for 4 hours and a break the English for 4 hours... then home!

A full day and lots crammed in. I like going to college and learning, today I had 3 English exams... 1 formal oral exam, 1 informal oral exam and 1 reading exam.  And to tell the truth I am feeling rather washed out and drained.  Maths..before English was used a revision lesson as next week is a test to see what is remembered!  Hmmm that will be nothing! 

Food today... 

Well surprise surprise I had no breakfast! ha ha ha

Lunch, I did pick up a wholewheat sandwich from the canteen at college... it was prawn.  I had it with a small 1 shot latte. 

Dinner, when I got home in the evening I luckily came home to food as I left it cooking on the slow cooker all day! It was spicy mince.... so had 2 wraps with mince and lettuce and a little grated cheese.  

This evening I am trying to relax and chill for a while before going to bed as I am feeling very drained.

Hope I feel better tomorrow :)

Sunday 8th December and Monday 9th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

This covers 2 days as I really did not get up to anything!

Thinking about this.... I think Sunday and Monday will be just reflection day as all I did was relax!

So on reflection what should I say...

Well try to eat healthier I guess.. its so damn hard.. I mean I am only human and I want to eat unhealthy things..I just do!  I think its because I know I should not.  And to be honest I have not eaten loads of unhealthy foods...ok so may be a little..

Christmas is a time of year I actually dislike the food!  Seriously I cannot stand the food.  I dont like turkey, mince pies, christmas cake, christmas pudding..  I like all the veg and salmon!  And desert wise I normally end up having some kind of cheese cake.  We dont have a tin of sweets in our home as Han does not like Cadburys!  And yes there are others to buy buy we just dont!  And this year sweets are not going to be around at my parents house when we visit as my dad now has diabetes.  So yes Christmas food is just like every other day to me!

What have I eaten over these two days... 

I am still not eating breakfast :(  In fact after a nice lay in on Sunday he only thing I ate was 2 wholewheat seeded sandwiches... but thinking about it I did not it the filling as I did not like it!  So it was just the bread I ate!  And yes I drank coffee, but also squash as I was really thirsty.  On the Monday still not breakfast... not really sure why any more I just dont eat it!  Lunch... nope!  Dinner... well I thought I had better eat something at 7pm!  So I had a tin of vegetable soup.  I have no idea what is wrong with my eating habits at the moment?  In the late evening I did feel like eating pizza as Jon was eating some!  Even with this I only ate bites from each.  I am eating.. at the wrong times, and pretty much the wrong foods too.  I know this!  

I think I am just not enjoying food at the moment..

So what am I going to do about this... so far I have just been plodding on I guess waiting for a miracle! ha ha h a  Nope that has not happened!  I need to wake up and smell the coffee ~I guess!

I think its psychological... see I know I am not 100% so I am just bumbling through!  I want to give and out all my strengths into trying to lose weight.  Its hard when you have constant head aches, a painful knee and stress in your life... it appears weigh loss is taking a back seat.  And this is not what I want.

This is what I dont understand... I know what I should be doing, I know why I am doing the things I am doing... so why cant I break this cycle and actually help myself?? OMG!! Is this like self psychoanalysis time! ha ha

I guess for state of mind I need to say happy and positive so that is what I am trying to do most days.

Put this button here to press for any positive happy suggestions....

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Saturday 7th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Today its Saturday and the first actual day I had a lie in this morning!  It was AMAZING!

Yes no theme today... its a relaxing day!

Breakfast.... yes I actually ate some! ha ha a

It was 2 small slices of fresh wholewheat bread toasted with Marmite :) mmmm

And yes I cut it into smaller squares, feels like I have loads that way!

Nothing much to say during the day really...just been relaxing watching TV, cross stitching and catching up on FB.

Lunch... well I tried!  I had some sweet potato's roasted like chips tossed in piri piri spicy mix.

What I attempted to eat...

What I left...

Like I say a boring relaxing day today so the next thing to show and tell you about is dinner!! ha ha.

So I felt like having something light but filling.  So made this...  Its wholewheat brown rice with what I am calling a green medley of vegetables! 

I enjoyed it and it tasted good too.  And the best thing it did not make me full or feel really full either.  Its just right.

And now what am I up to.... erm.... cross stitching!  Something for a friend, its like an exchange thing.

Ok want to see some recent cross stitch things I have finished...

This is something I made recently and sent to a friend in Canada.  The design is from my favorite cross stitch designer... Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks... website .Its called Butterfly.

I also made a little Christmas thing!  I do not make cards because I just dont have the patience, so came up with this...

And this one too... another design by Alessandra Adelaide Needleworks, simply called The Maple Leaf.

So yes this is what I have been up to!  I like cross stitching as it relaxes me and removes me from the world just like in my own little bubble just while I cross stitch.

Until tomorrow...

Maybe another relaxing day? hmmmm possibly!

Friday 6th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

SMILE today... this is how I mean to go on... 

Last night we had a power cut, but was sorted a few hours later thank goodness.

I was up and out really early this morning with the RAC man, getting a new front Tyre.  Whilst waiting I managed to drink 3 coffee's from the machine!  Then after the new Tyre was fitted it was quick home, make sure Jon was OK... Han was dropped off at college by my dad luckily or she would of been late.  Then after a quick catch up and sit down I was out again... to physio at the hospital.  To see about getting help with my knee.

So now back after the physio session... found out that I have a few things going on with my knee..its all very complicated, long words and hurts!  That about covers it! ha ha

I was given some light moving exercises to do and in 2 weeks time my physio appointment is in the hydro pool... all very exciting!

Hmmm not doing very well on the food front I am afraid.. today I have had no breakfast and no lunch.  I did actually make lunch... brown wholewheat sandwich but just did not fancy it.. Jon ate it!

I will make sure I eat dinner later....

Still not actually feeling that hungry come dinner time, but did eat something.  I did steak pie with mash potato for jon...

Me I had vegetables with mash potato... did not fancy anything.  I shock myself eating mash potato as I dont like it!!  Seriously I dont, its something to do with the texture.

I thought I was not hurting that much after the physio session... hmmm maybe that is why I have not eaten much all day?  I have been worse than this before now where I have eaten nothing because I just could not due to being in pain.  I hope and guess this is a normal thing?

It does not help that I am feeling really drained and tired.  I guess I have myself to blame for that...all the running about place to place I have been to over the last couple of weeks.

Not long until Christmas... I am waiting for a delivery of an item for a friend, I hope it comes before Christmas?  Talking of Christmas.. OMG is it me or has it come around quick?  I mean damn its Christmas already??!!  Where has the year gone?

I cannot believe its been a year almost of me being on this journey... how its flown.  And what a journey its been so far!  I think I have realized over just the last few weeks that my priorities have changed.  I mean I am not focused on the amount I have lost... I know I have to lose weight why torture myself knowing the numbers?!  I feel its more about fitting into clothing, comfortably for me... yes its being comfortable with myself.  I mean I may have to go down a fair few more dress sizes to feel comfortable, I am just not going to get hung up on the amount of weight I have lost.  I know I am still losing weight as my clothes are getting bigger!  I think I am doing OK... I mean I started a size 32 well going out of that size!  And now I am just about into a size 22!!  I think it shocking really, and am having issues dealing with the change as I still want to buy size 32 as I still look and see myself that size.  I guess this part can only truly be understood by those of you that have at one time or another been over weight and lost weight, so you know what I am talking about. Its that accepting phase where your over the moon you have lost weight but cannot get your head around it. 

hmm seems I am rambling now :(

There is NO way I will quit... I have thought about this and sure there will be days, there have been days I dont want to comply... I am human!!  But I am here until I feel comfortable remember!... no matter how long it takes me.  I just did not want people to think ooooh look at her losing that weight and now she has put it all back on... been there done that before.. not this time!  I am happy that this year I can say I have lost weight... and move on to the next year to lose more! :)

Enough waffle...

Until tomorrow...

xx

Thursday 5th December 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

OH!!

Well up and out, took Hannah to college, gosh its windy today.  Then I toddled off to the shops... met my parents there!  So naturally sat in Costa and chatted whilst enjoying a skinny one shot latte! :) 

Just looked at the clock and its now just past mid day... what have I eaten... nothing!  Hmmmm well to be honest I am  not hungry, I know bad excuse and should make an effort to eat something.  I have had a coffee!

So off out again as I have to see the dentist at 12.40.  All go here!  Then back home afterwards to organize dinner and maybe a late lunch if I feel like eating?

Until later....

Here is what I ate on my return from the dentist... I was freezing. Its mulligatawny soup with wholewheat brown fresh bread. mmmmmm

So just trying to catch up on some magazine reading and maybe find a cross stitch design to stitch for s friend.  That is until I collect Han from college later.

Collected Han from college, popped around my parents house then headed home...hmmm nope!  We heard a noise and I felt the car lean so we turned the car around.  Luckily we had only driven a few houses down... turned around and parked back outside my parents home.  Looked at my driver side Tyre and OH!!

So this looks like a flat piece of metal...

This is actually what is was...look at the length of it!  All of that was in my Tyre.

We could hear the air hissing out of it.  So yes we called the RAC.. they were amazing took about 10 minutes.  The chap was amazed at the size of it.  He basically plugged the hole with plastic resin and then put air in.  He followed me home, I could not travel more than 30 mph and I took it easy!  So back home all was well... he got us home!  And now in the morning I have to check it has not gone down, then drive to quick-fit to get a new Tyre.  If the Tyre has gone down then I have to call the RAC again, they will fill the Tyre with air, enough for me to get to quick-fit.  So I guess I will be out early getting my Tyre sorted as I have physio on my knee tomorrow.

Finally home I sorted dinner out...

We had chicken fillet in breadcrumbs with all fresh steamed vegetables.  And some of our favorite German mushroom sauce.  Its called Jager.  Looks like loads but we did not have any potato's.  There was enough carbs with the chicken breadcrumbs.  Steamed vegetables are so nice, they taste so nice too....packed full of flavour.

Coffee time now... nearly 8pm... I think I need a coffee... Tassimo is my friend and I love the fact I can make a Costa latte at home :)

Then I may do a little stitching as I have not managed to get any done at all today. And an early night I think as I feel quite tired and drained.

Until tomorrow.....

Start as I mean to go on....

So this is a quick 'hello'...

It is nearly 12 midnight... why such a late blog I hear you say??

Well I have just got back from visiting Nottingham University with my daughter.  A long long day.  We set off at just before 9 am this morning and sat here writing this I feel like I am still on the motorway.

Today is probably not a very good day to start back blogging as I have been out!  But here I am...

So what on earth have I been up to these last days, weeks, months?  Erm..... I guess feeling sorry for myself!  And trying to get past why me again!  And OMG.. give me a break!!  

I have sat about feeling sorry for myself too long now and need to pull myself out of 'this'... I think this is why I have started to blog again.  To help me...

As from tomorrow I will be posting what I eat and get up to... as today not really much to say except traveled on the motorway, visited Nottingham University, walked around and got sore feet, then traveled back and sat in queues of traffic on the motorway!, got back home very late!  Yes its true we did eat...  not junk, well tried not to eat junk!  Then ate a meal in a really unusual place in Nottingham called Tamatanga, its Indian inspired dishes and very nice :)  And yes I drank plenty of Costa coffee and Starbucks coffee on route too!

Thursday is a new start of me being me again.... I have lots to chat about too... about how I feel and what direction I am going in.  Too late now, if I start this I will still be here come lunch time! ha ha

I need and want to be more positive about lots of things and I feel blogging again will help me... see what is happening now!  I am repeating myself!!! 

Ok until tomorrow...

Happy to be back :)

   

Just wanted to say...

Ok firstly THANK YOU for sticking with me...

I should explain...

I will be coming back to my blog very soon... This Wednesday 4th December :)

And why have I been away?

Hmmmm...

You know I injured my knee, I have not seen feeling so good and sunk into a bit of depression.  I felt that low I could not bring myself to post anything...see I did not want any negativity I was going through and feeling to be passed in any way shape or form to you my friends.  This is why I chose to take a longer than expected break from blogging.

I try to stay positive in everything I do... sometimes I can only take so many knock backs...

But its OK... no more feeling like that...

I am feeling much better...

I am I guess in a happier place now... 

I will let you know more details of what I am doing... what I aim to do and hopefully you can all motivate me!

Until Wednesday...

Friday 25th October 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Hello and OMG!! What on earth is the weather playing at???  Where I live we are on amber alert for some really bad weather including real heavy rain and very strong winds.... gosh!!  I think I need to stay in!! 

Today as Han has a 'study at home day' I decided to cook something different for breakfast...

Wholewheat pancakes..

This was my first attempt with rhubarb and strawberry jam... really tasty.

Then I got thinking... as I have pretty much a large selection of Tesco Finest yogurts in my fridge why not put it in my pancake!  So I did!!

Let me tell you.. I used White peach and OMG!! it was so yummy, very different with yogurt in but OH SO nice!  I am so going to do this again... maybe with some of the other flavors too!

Lunch... hmmm have to see later!

Dinner, sorry the name escapes what they are called!?  But they tasted good!  The is it before I wrapped it....

And the 2 wrapped ones I ate...

And one of my yummy Tassimo latte coffee's :)

So this evening Han and I went for a swim, I should re word that as she tried to drown me!  It was really nice, the pool was empty and we larked about...us being us!

Then a nice chill out in the steam room and bubble thing (that word starting with jac... never spell it right so just write bubble thing!). ha ha ha

Back home now and thought I would relax more and do some cross stitch.  I have joined in a secret stitch and have to stitch something to send to a secret person in my cross stitch group.  Quite excited to do this, never done it before.

Keep smiling :)