What a confidence boost...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

OK... as I found an old photo of me actually wearing my checkered blue shorts... when they just fit me, tight everywhere...

I thought I would show you now... how they fit!!  These I promise you are the same shorts!  I deliberately kept them all these years to do just this!!

Looking at the photos I am.... SHOCKED!!!

Now I am under no illusion here... I still have a LOT of weight to take off me.  Han took this photo of me this evening (20.08.13).  I am carrying a lot of excess fluid in my legs still...

But OMG!! I filled that waist and each leg!! I cannot believe it really...

And my family let me go out like this??!!!

OK.. I went on holidays, the places I went to were hot so what was I supposed to do?  Walk around all covered up?!

I am pleased to announce that I AM GETTING SMALLER AND THE WEIGHT IS STAYING OFF!!! 

And yes I did shout that last sentence!  I am SO happy. I think you can see I am happy by my face! lol

I may bring some 'nice' holiday photo's back to share?! :)

Bet your wondering where I have been!?

(Borrowed from Google Images)

OK its true... I have been doing nothing! ha ha

No seriously I have been really busy trying to be all organized!  hmmm yes!

So been running around to the college, see I had an email from my fast track maths tutor to tell me I had passed my maths exam!! OMG I am thrilled!  And she thinking I should go straight on the GCSE course starting this September... eeeek!! 

If you are not aware I have complex SpLD's dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalculia and its a HUGE achievement for me to of passed this exam!  Apparently my certificate is in the post! 

So yes I have been going back and forth sorting that out and making sure I have a place on the course come September.  I still dont know as we all go on holiday Tuesday (20 th) so will have to wait until I get back to know for sure.

And running about for Hannah sorting out her funding for the next year of her course.  OMG... she had her first year result, she got a Distinction star!!! OMG!! How talented is she!!  So proud.  So she is all sorted and we have to wait now until the first week back for her to see how much has been allocated.  Stress!!

Oh and yes we are off on holiday!  So sorting out things, you know clothes, food!  That sort of thing!  Running here and there for Han too... dropping her off at friends then collecting her... I am the taxi remember!! ha ha ah

We have had a check list kind of thing to try to be more organized!  Its not really worked as we are no longer using it!  Jon had a problem with his wheelchair so we had to call the engineer out then wait for parts!  He now has new wheels and the brakes work :)

And some good news... I think I mentioned that I was thinking of moving Trevor in the bedroom... if I managed to sell some pine.. namely my dressing table.  Well I advertised it and I sold it today!  All go here!! So now when we are back off holiday that is what I will be sorting out... moving Trevor!

Oh yes and to de-stress myself I have been sewing loads.

OH YES... and I have been back and forth from the doctors.  They and I have no idea what exactly happened but my left eye just leaks... I mean its like I am crying!  Inside the house its not so bad, but outside I cannot see, it streams.  I have had washes, spays and 2 lots of antibiotics... its not so bad now I hope its clearing up.  I went back today to see the doctor and ooooh got to take more antibiotics!  hmmmm sure he has no idea and just prescribing them to me in hope it clears up!  Well I told him I would be back in after my holiday if it had not changed!

I added a few more photo's to the blast from the past blog post... they are shocking...just to warn you!!!

I have been eating healthily and running around like a complete nutter so I dare say I have lost more weight! ha ha  But I am not measuring or weighing myself until I come back.  I am feeling very positive and happy and cannot wait to go on holiday :)

Ha ha I found this!  It was taken in 1979 in Germany when I was 8 years old, the first and only time I have ever worn a bikini!! ha ha  I think that was the start of me getting larger...

Later.... 

Keep smiling :)

What I did today Sunday 11 th August 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Well yes today is a VERY lazy day!! I am just not up to much at all.....  Well OK I was up and out early... I know I am crazy!! 

I went round my parents home to pack the pool away... should of taken my phone to take a photo of the lovely 'crop circle' its left behind!  

Then the heavens opened!!! OMG the rain... I love the rain but OMG!! Its always the way when your trying to do something!  I managed to pack in away in their garage, until we need it again....ooohhh maybe when UK gets another heat wave!! ha aha

I was laying in bed last night thinking... I do that often when my mind will not switch off.  And well I have decided to move some furniture around... oh not then!! Just thinking about  it right now!  Well at the moment Trevor (the treadmill) is in the living room, by the window... Han and I both agree we dont like it buy the window!  hmmmm so we needed to find a new home for it.  So I am going to put it in my bedroom... after moving some furniture and selling a few bits of pine!  Well I have way too much pine in my bedroom.

That is the plan... not sure how we are going to move Trevor yet?  He does fold up, he has hydraulics to help... but it will be the moving bit, not sure if it fits through the doors folded?  Hmmm if not then we will have to contact the lovely people who put it together to move it!  Only option if that is the case!  See now you have a glimpse of what goes on in my head! ha ha ha

I found this photo of me... I kind of like it.  It was taken on the steps of an amphitheatre in Tarragona Spain a few years ago.  I like it because it shows me thinking... 

Not sure I like my face though... I remember when it was taken, lovely blue sky and well I just like it.

What I have eaten today...

A rather odd day when it comes to food... just not hungry or wanting anything. 

I had a bowl of shreddies with skimmed milk... (Damn side wards photo's!)

So I ate some of my yummy soup and some ryvita with light Philadelphia spread on. (sorry its side wards)

So my sewing, the thing I am spending a lot of hours on...

Its my latest sewing project, I have the series of these and this is the 2nd to last one I have to do... having already completed 4 different ones.  

Its coming together slowly.

What I did no Saturday 10 th August 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

I read this and thought YES!! I should repeat this every day! I already do it so saying it will affirm (is that a word?) what I am doing.

Saturday and what have I been up to... 

I was out first thing with Han and my parents, walking around our cricket pitch, where a car boot was taking place.

I am not sure where the sun has gone... a bit grey and over cast but still warmish.  (hmmm is that even a word?!)

What is it with me today and words?  Must be make-a-word up day today!! ha ah a ha

The it was back to the house pick up Jon and off to the gardens center and Hobby Craft for a look about.

Here is the garden center...Haskins... and our car!

And Hobbycraft... one of mine and Han's favorite shops... we could wander around inside for hours just looking at things!

 In the cafe in the garden center I had a lovely skinny latte with a cheese scone.  Han had a chicken and bacon long soft roll and Jon had a chocolate pastry twist with a cappuccino.

Some times its nice to have a change of scenery, hence the why we ended up in the coffee shop!  The coffee shop is Costa Coffee which I was VERY happy about as I do like a coffee or two from them.

Here is a very rare photo of Jon and I!!! These photos are really rare, I talk about Jon but no one ever sees him!  Well here he is!!   He is looking a bit odd.. Han startled him, all she said was look!  Jon looked round and 'snap'!! I however managed a smile!! :)

Looking at this photo of me I am thinking... hmmm I had better stop wearing those 3 quarter trousers and t-shirt as they are starting to look like I am wearing sacks!  No shape and loose fitting.... ooooh hark at me!!! Never thought I would ever say something looked like a sack on me!  That has to be Han.... drumming it into me saying I dont have to wear 'tent' clothing!!

Oh yes food!! For lunch I ate some salmon with broccoli and cauliflower steamed...

And for dinner later I have something cooking... on my new cooker!! ha ha

Its soup, carrot, cabbage, cauliflower and a tin of chopped tomato.

Its not ready yet!! It will take some time to cook and reduce down... hope it tastes nice?

Oh my!! I Love this and WILL be making it again.  I put it onto a big mug and sat with a t-spoon for what seemed ages eating this!  Its really tasty and I added ground black pepper when it was cooking so it has a little kick too.

I like this... and yes I am thinking this way!

(Borrowed from Google Images)

What I did today Friday 9 th August 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Today is another AMAZING day.... why you ask??!! 

Today I got weighed and.... I lost another 5 pounds! eeeeekkkk so happy :)

And today the cooker arrives... 

I chose this header today as I thought it VERY apt.... because I am!

Today thought I mix my food up a bit and this morning for breakfast I have had, whole wheat toast with baked beans.

I only just managed it... I am lets say topped up nicely and probably will be having a later lunch!  Note to self I think 1 slice of toast is enough on a morning!! 

What is with these photos?? I am jinxed I think.. I load them the correct way and OMG they turn out like this!!! hmmmmm

More later..... oooooohhhh cooker is here!!! photos.... later :)

Here is my lovely new cooker... just about to go cook in it..

So I have been cooking and I love the new cooker :)

I made wholewheat brown scones, topped with light clover and sugar free strawberry jam.

Do not worry I am drinking plenty today too.... I have had mint and green tea, red berry tea, coffee and now drinking a massive cup (never ending as Han keeps filling it up!) of sugar free blackcurrant juice with ice.

Not sure what is for dinner today... the cooker is great but I have been in there all afternoon! hmmmm Oh the novelty of something new!

OH my, I must tell you about this!  I keep forgetting... I wear 3 rings all on the same finger, a wedding band an engagement ring and an eternity ring.  Well I have nearly lost them several times... they are just so loose.  If I shake my hand you can hear them jingling and tehn they slip down my finger and fall off!  And on the same hand I have a watch on my wrist... its one of those expanding straps... well I dont need it to expand, it swivels around my wrist freely!! As well as new clothes I am going to need new jewelry!! This could be expensive!  But funny.

Dinner well I did not take a photo because I was that excited about I just ate it! oooppps! :(

Bet your wondering what it was?!

I have not had what had this evening in such a long time.... I had a quarter of a salami pizza with some crinkle cut chips covered in piri piri shake. 

I know OMG I ate chips and pizza!! ha ha ha

I have learned now that not to deprive myself of something, its fine in moderation.  I mean take it from me before embarking upon this new eating healthily thing I used to eat a whole massive pizza myself with a massive plate full of chips too!  So I really think I have come a long way... I can restrict myself, I know I dont need all that what I used to eat.

I am very proud of myself, at how far I have come.  A long way still to go but its a happier journey I am on now.  Learning all the way... 

What I did today Thursday 8 th August 2013....

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Yes another HAPPY day!! :)   Loving the way I feel, I wake up happy and each day for me now is a new challenge.  The challenge being... to be me!!  Yes its that simple!  I am now living how I want to... no 'fat' will hold me back!

Its a really nice day... but chores needed doing, so all the washing in the house including beds needed washing.  3 loads of washing later!! When will it end?! ha ha   Well at least I know everything will be clean!

Such a lovely day and I am inside... oh well cannot do everything when things need doing.  

My sewing is coming along nicely, I have nearly finished the center panel.  I love to sew, it takes all of my concentration and I drift off into my own world.

OK so what am I eating today...

I started with a nice cold glass of milk, and sliced apple, found that to be very refreshing.  Then my parents called so Jon and I met them down town for a coffee.  I had a skinny 1 shot latte...my favorite.

And lunch was 2 whole wheat ryvita with light Philadelphia and cucumber slices.  With an added experiment on top... sliced crab stick with a drizzle of thousand island dressing.  Different but nice :)

Dinner is my favorite...salmon covered with garlic and herbs with steamed carrots, cabbage with broccoli and cauliflower.

A lot of vegetables.... I just could not finish the last mouthful!

Doh, looks like the photo's are playing up again!  arrrgggh...

And had a lovely yogurt later...

Having now eaten dinner I can honestly say I really enjoyed that, so much that I may have to have it again soon!

Ooooh exciting stuff...tomorrow the new cooker is arriving... yippppeeeee a cooker!!!  Cannot wait.. I will take some photo's :)

Han is off to the hair dressers tomorrow with my mum... a quiet house again for a little while. Wonder what she is going to have done?  You never know with Han, she likes to experiment!

Hmmmm lets see... wondering what I am going to do?  Well apart from having to wait for the cooker to arrive.. which could be any time through out the day.... probably... nothing!!! Well OK... some sewing!

I will have to have a think about what to cook in my new cooker first??  Decisions decisions!!

Blast from the past...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

I was looking through some photo's I found, and OMG look at this... 

This is Han and me on a day out to some park... I think Han is about 5 it was taken in 2001!! So so long ago...

I cannot believe that I was that big... like I say I have been huge all of my life and to me I cannot now understand why?  I mean I did not actually like being that big... I think it was a case of I liked my food too much to want to change.  But I am very sad at all those years I missed out on... you know not doing things I should of done. 

Time to change all that... not dwelling on the past... just wanted to share and show how being over weight affected all of my life.

I am still actually shocked at this photo... looking at it.  But feel happier with myself as I am now doing something about this.

I will see if I can find some more 'old' photos... I am finding this experience very therapeutic and happy as I will never go back to being like that again.

Ha ha... me all dressed up for a fancy dress outing at work, yes again with Han... 2005... just look at my face and that chin!  If you look closely you can see my stomach, it looks like I am pregnant!  Which I was not!!! Eeeeeekkk

Another shocker... OMG!! This one was taken on holiday in Tenerife so about 2001/2002 I think.. just shocking.  Again look at my face... 

Ha ha ha you can just see the blue checkered shorts I have on here... they are the ones that I refuse to throw out!  I have safety pins taking inches in on both sides now... and I love wearing them around the house as I think of this time when I only just fit in them!!! 

I found another photo of me wearing this.. Warning its terrible!!!

This is my daughter and mum it was whilst on holiday in Tenerife.

Another blast from the past... my brothers wedding.. look at my face and that chin! 

Next just a selection of me being fat! OMG!!! Why on earth did some one not tell me I was this big??? I am speechless...

I like this one as I am doing something I love... scuba diving :)   But just look at that cleavage!!  And I remember when I went into the pool they had to find extra weights to help weigh me down as I could not sink! hmmmm

Just shocking!! 

What I did today Wednesday 7 th August 2013....

(Borrowed from Google Images)

I am happy and feeling good today!  Why you ask??....

I posted another picture of some clothes that are loose fitting!! Its in the blog post named ' Getting there' ... or here take a look...

This Cotton Trader top I have not been able to wear at all for a long long time!  Christmas I tried and it was extremely tight everywhere, arms, stomach and bust.  Now as you can see its loose!  

The second photo was Han's idea, to hold it back so it kind of looks fitted... a strange look for me as I have never worn anything fitted!

Not sure what my face is saying?  Happy then maybe OMG!! ha ha... 

So this is another reason why I am feeling rather happy today :)

I think now that I can see changes... its different.... and great!

Ok so food... what have I eaten today...

I had a glass of skimmed milk and a yogurt for breakfast today.

I really love these Danio super thick yogurts... they are really filling and I can only just manage one.  Hence a glass of milk with it!  (and yes I have ice cubes in my milk!)

Lunch was an easy choice, its becoming a favourite of mine...

2 whole wheat ryvita with light Philadelphia and cucumber (with cracked colored pepper)

Dinner is an experiment!! ha ha they always taste good but never look good!  We shall see....

OK so dinner... I have just eaten it and WOW!! It was really quite nice!  I sound surprised... I am!!

I cooked prawns and plain haddock fillet, added them to steam carrots, broccoli, mange tout, green beans, cauliflower, spring onion, chopped chilli, baby sweet corn.  The cooked 1 packet of prawn flavored noodles and basically mixed it all together with some chilli sauce.

If your wondering... its Han's finger!  Experimenting again with nail polish! ha ha ha 

I cannot believe how filling this was...maybe it was the noodles?  There is loads left so it looks like I will be eating it tomorrow as well! :)

Whilst sewing today in a world of my own I was thinking how my taste has changed.... I know I think about some strange things!  Well I used to have the biggest sweet tooth ever, everything had to be sweet and I would choose to eat sweets and cake over a meal!  WOW ... dreadful!!  

Now I really dislike sweet things.. so much that when Jon accidentally put half a sugar in my coffee I nearly threw up!  Seriously!! I really dont like the sweet taste any more.  I find this most shocking of all... I knew what I ate before!!  

I guess I am going to have to get used to things changing!... bring it on!! :)

What I did today Tuesday 6 th August 2013...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

This is very true... all of my life I have looked at myself as fat.  Fat has stopped me doing things I have wanted to do.  I have never looked at it as I have fat... 

I think society no matter where you are plays a huge part in this, even if I felt fine with my fat (which I never did!) society made it sure it was wrong for me to be so big.  On many levels too... from looks and comments from people, to shops you can buy clothes in, to chairs you sit in and to feeling guilty buying cake or other fattening foods as people where judging you (so you thought!).  Yes its fair to say being fat has rules my life... and that is how I see it.

So now if I change this around and say I have fat but its not who I am... this turns everything on end!  If I have fat then I can and WILL get rid of it!!  And I think that is the key... where as before I thought fat ruled my life because it was me.

Oh now that WAS deep for first thing on a morning! ha hah ah 

Today I wanted to start my day a bit differently so I made a milk shake!  Still no cooker (Friday is getting nearer!!) so have to start experimenting I think!! 

Milk shake it was!! :)

So I use skimmed milk, added 1 banana and 'blitzed' it all!  I have a bullet, its basically a blender, a small one that you can attach a jug on and single cups.  Its really quite handy.  I have previously made salad dressings in it and chopped things.

Today it was banana milk shake

Now how yummy does that look!! And believe me it tasted yummy too... and it was filling.  May be drinking these until the cooker comes as it was quick and simple!  I think a little while ago I tried a shake on a morning... liking it now!  Have to see what other flavors I can experiment with!?  Cucumber??? hmmm maybe a little research needed! ha ha 

What am I up to today...

Erm.... not a lot! ha ha 

I should explain in case some of you are wondering!  I do not work, I did work... I worked full time as did my husband.  Then in 2010 he had a works accident and injured himself, so much so that he now needs a carer and a wheelchair to get about.  I guess you could say its turned our life upside down.  But we manage... so I am his carer.  I run about doing all the chores within our home, the shopping... cooking, cleaning.. the driving.. well everything really.  Han helps out amazingly, she is like my secondary carer and sometimes I dont know what I would do without her. 

So every day I do the 'usual' things, in between I have pockets of me time... where I can nip out or sew or what ever really.  I have got used to it now, but it was very hard at the start. 

Because our situation has changed so much and unfortunately we had to ask the state for help, Jon is now on benefits due to his disability.  I only receive carers allowance.... which is not even the minimum wage.  Things at times are tough and tight but we some how cope... well you have to, dont you!

Because we do claim benefits I dont like the way 'some' people judge us... ( I say this because recently a neighbours gardener was very rude to us, bordering on abusive) they do not know our circumstances, they dont know what we have gone through. This is the first time either of us have claimed benefits and to be honest if we could do something about our situation we would.  Unfortunately Jons condition is not getting better... so I doubt very much he will ever return to work again.  But I am not sad about this, it means we get to spend time together everyday.  

I think it funny the topics I write about, they must be on my mind...

I think some more sewing is in order today! 

Afternoon snack...

2 whole wheat ryvita with light Philadelphia and sliced cucumber.

Been relaxing whilst I could... been doing more sewing :)

I prepared the dinner earlier this morning... chicken in the slow cooker cooking nicely in a supreme sauce.  And vegetables all chopped ready to steam.... looked at doing some brown rice in the microwave... if it cooks!! ??

So yes...time flies...

Dinner..

Carrots, broccoli, green beans, cauliflower with brown rice and 1 chicken breast in a herb casserole sauce.

Now I really liked this, the rice was a good filler, and to have sauce was a nice treat.  I try to not have it too often, so its nice when I do have it.  

Reflecting on the day I am and have been full all day... I have not once felt or been hungry, that is a good thing.  I certainly do not need a lot of food now to keep hunger pangs away!  

I am continuing to drink my flavored water...

Cucumber and mint...

And just mint too... I have no idea why I never thought of doing this before? 

Had an apple too...
Cut up 1 apple really thinly and looked like loads!

I saw this and thought...hmmmm it is within myself!  I AM doing OK, trying my hardest and I HAVE changed my way of thinking so hence I AM happy!! :)