Saturday 4 th January 2014...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Well its the early hours of Saturday morning... a little after 2 am!  I seem to have a lot on my mind hence why I am not asleep!

Yesterday was a total flop... I am very disappointed and angry with myself.  So I did not make it to the gym or the pool.  The weather was horrendous.. seriously it was, as they say it was out of my control.  The wind was blowing a gale, really strong and it was not raining, it was lashing it down.  Pretty much storm conditions and I was advised not to go out in it...so I stayed in.  Here is the issue... see I had got it in my head that I was starting back at the gym...in the pool.  Ready and wanting to start exercising again, then I could not go.  This is why I am angry... the disappointment part is because I did no exercise.  I used the time to sit and cross stitch.  Saying that though I dont tend to eat much when cross stitching!  And well I seem to be addicted to eating shreddies today! ha ha yes I have had 2 large bowl of them today... naturally with semi skimmed milk!

Here is what I finished stitching...

So I will say weather permitting!  I will attend the gym and pool later today when I eventually surface from my slumber!

How am I feeling apart from what I mention above...

Well I have no idea what is going on with my sleep patterns right now?  I go back to college next Tuesday... a long old day 10 am to 9 pm.  So I need to sort out why I am not sleeping so good.  I think maybe its due to all the things I have on my mind right now?? Possibly...

1. Waiting for a date from Great Ormond street hospital London for Han to have further head surgery.

2. Waiting for Han to see the pain clinic to see what they can do for her spine condition as we recently found out the base of her spine is crumbling and deteriorating very quickly.

3. Worried about Jon going for his MRI (nest Saturday) see the last one they could not do it as he was in too much pain to lay flat.  Infact they could not get him any where near flat.  This time the doctor has told him to take meds before in a bid to try to relax him... we shall see.

4. I am waiting for an appointment to see the neurology department, to see about my memory and try to understand what is going on with this and other issues I am having.

5. Constantly on my mind to do good and eat healthily and exercise... I know I have to do this but sometimes its difficult and feel bad that I have not done anything.

6. Just I guess general worrying!  Oh you know about day to day things... what meal should I cook, do I need to go shopping, does the car need petrol?!  That type of thing.

Hmmm YES!! that is probably why I am not sleeping!  ha hah a  Funny really when you put it out like this... I see clearly now why!

I so need to learn some kind of relaxation technique... any ideas??

I feel the need to carry on.... I hear the wellingtons calling me!  Ha ha yes!  I will be wearing them this year... silly this, right?  I dont care!  I have never wore wellingtons ever... and want to!  And that is what is driving me forward to want to lose this weight I am carrying.  Got to have a dream... I want to make mine reality :)

Will post more later... when I surface!