Sunday, 12 January 2014

Sunday 12 th January 2014...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Being Sunday I did have a little sleep in.... it was nice too :)

Then got up and dressed and Han and I went to the bingo with my dad.... its nice to spend time together.  Dad and Han won... not me :(

Food has been lets say been a challenge today as I have not really wanted anything.  I did however eat something, which is good.

Breakfast... nothing... nope not feeling it today!

Lunch.... nope! not feeling it today either!

Dinner... well yes OK I did eat something.. cooked some chicken fillets in the oven and had with a little rice and Han wanted me to try couscous... interesting!  And had a little mushroom sauce on the side.

A very boring bland looking dish today... I guess this reflects how I feel about food again.  It appears I am going through THAT phase again.  Where I just have no interest in food, cannot be bothered with it but know I have to eat it.

In the evening I have eaten some yogurt..low fat naturally!  And well did not enjoy it!

Well been filling my time buried in my stitching... it keeps me out of trouble!  An update...

Hmmm I am very naughty... bet your wondering why I have not been to the gym or pool?  Well I could not go to my physio session either, I had to cancel it....

Not good I am afraid... its my knee.   Its playing up again, damn well hurts!  :(  I have been going to the physio, doing what they ask and yet I still have a sore painful knee.  I mean really!!! Its stopping me doing things... I try to walk on it and every step hurts... I sit down for a while and relax...its ok.  I get up, should say try to get up.  As soon as I put any weight on my leg, OMG pain!  and a lot of grinding clicking sounds.. 
I wont lie, this is so depressing.  And whats even more depressing is the fact that I may have to get used to this... I mean its not likely to get better, its coping living with it now.  Which I clearly am not! 

Sometimes I wish there was an easier way to lose this weight I am carrying... Oh I know there is... the various operations you can have.  Not for me, see I have a phobia... that if I am put under for an operation I will not wake up.  Sounds a little crazy?  I think that.  So no operations for me.  But I cannot lie they are and do sound tempting... and a quick way to get it all off too.  But wait.. all the layers of stretched fat that is left is not nice.  Not sure I could live with it.  People tell me I am doing it the best way... slow and stay off.  Yes well I see a problem with this way I am doing it now.  With my reduced activity I dont think I am losing weight... I have not gained, OK so that is a good thing at least.  

I NEED to do something... I cannot swim as the twisting movement in my knee is too much.  I cannot use my treadmill to do anything at the moment as just walking hurts. What am I to do?  I feel like I am failing myself... I dont want to fail...

I WANT to carry on and lose weight but how when I cannot physically do anything? Just want to scream....

hmmmm maybe I will think on this... not giving up just yet!

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