Day 77...

The photo is the 'sad' no flowering Easter tree we did!  It looks a bit bare! :(  A tradition we do, I guess we got this from living in Germany?!  And something we like to do now :)  I am hoping it starts to flower?  Hmmm we shall see!!  As it is Easter after all!! lol

What I ate today... Saturday 30th March 2013

Breakfast...

2 Cheese scones (from the coffee shop with butter)


Lunch...

Hmmm, no lunch :(

Dinner....

I had a few wholewheat crackers with margarine on with, beetroot, silver skin onions, a few thin slices of cheese and some feta cheese with herbs and sun dried tomato.  With nutty grain and vegetable salad.

Well another rather odd day... why is it that I do not feel the need to eat or even drink?  I tell you its puzzling me!  Its almost like I dont care... but of course I do!  Its really hard for me to explain but I will try...  OK so I know I have to eat and drink, its normal right!  But my appetite it really strange at the moment and well as for drinking... I have no idea what is going on there?

Today as I went out earlier I have had 3 skinny 1 shot lattes.. I did eat, I put it in the breakfast slot as it was the first thing I ate today!  I ate 2, yes two!! I have no idea why, just did!  They were cheese but the cheese was only on the top!  And no photo as I genuinely forgot :(  I have also drank some, a glass maybe of apple juice and a glass of orange juice.. but that is all.. I tell you its hard getting anything in me.. what the hell is going on with me??

Lunch was a disaster... I ate nothing :(  Did not want anything, so did not eat.

I did try a new thing at dinner, if you call that dinner!! It is rather odd!!  I was told to try this from good old M&S!!  To be frank I will try anything!! So bought 2 of these as they were on offer!!  And I was really surprised that I liked it!  And I found it to be really filling too :)  I will be buying more I think!

So apart from my odd eating again today its been a pretty 'normal' day.  We all went down town, Han had an appointment at one of the makeup counters in Boots... so we all tagged along!  When I say all.. I mean all!! There was me, Jon, han.. and we met up with my mum and dad too in town and had coffee!! Its nice to do that! :)  It was nice having Jon out too, he does not go out much as he is still in too much pain to sit for long periods of time.  Saying that Han and I had him out a bit too long today as he was in agony when we got home :(  Its hard to find a balance, and I like to involve him in things we do.

Oh... if I have not mentioned about Jon before here is the run down...  well I am married to him!  Its not Han's dad, that was my ex-husband (a bit like Voldermort, the name we shall not mention! lol)  And well I married Jon in 2009 after meeting him in 2007.  We both lived and worked abroad and loved it... came back to UK in 2010 as my parents health is deteriorating and I wanted to be near them.  We settled down, got good jobs and just as we got settled Jon had an accident at work and injured himself.  The doctors are unsure really how bad and what the problem is, he cannot straighten up, he is in a bent over position all the time.  And he cannot put his right foot flat on the floor, he some how balances on his toes. Walking is hard, he can take a few steps around the house, holding onto the walls and furniture.  Going out as he is now so weak, he uses a wheelchair.  Its basically turned our life upside down, and now instead of living we survive.

But we get by!

I am still looking for a damn car!! Looking at maybe the toyota?  Its the comfort thing, Jon needs it and the support on his right side as he leans that way.  So maybe if the car was OK we could go places and he could get out more?  That is the theory any way!

Looks like Paris is off for Han for her birthday... she would rather wait and go somewhere else later in the year!  hmm what ever she is happiest with.  Not sure what to do now, its her 18th and needs to be special... ideas??

Day 76...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

What I ate today... Friday 29th March 2013

Breakfast...

Lunch...

Dinner...

Mussles in chopped tomato's, garlic and onion sauce (homemade) with sprouts, carrots, green beans, mushrooms, petite pois and broccoli.

Well today may stay blank!! Hmmm not very good I must say :(  And well.. just not hungry at all today... I have not even had the iron supplement... I will take it this evening.  

Its now 4.30 and all I have had today is 3 cups of coffee... this is really bad, but I cannot really eat anything as not hungry and feeling rather bloated.  I did nibble a bit of chocolate but it tasted a bit odd, kind of like lard!  So gave up with that!  Hmm must be my taste buds changing?

Just after writing this at 4.30 I decided to eat some yogurt... and drink my supplement...

Not really sure what I am going to do food wise today?  I should try to eat something I guess.. hmm OK.  When I do the evening meal I will put some on a plate.  Not sure what its going to be at this stage?  I am not eating chicken or fish I have gone totally off these... all I am left with is vegetables, and to be honest its better than nothing!  

I know I am not getting the vitamins, nutrients and protein I need for my body, but what can I do when I totally lose my appetite?  I cannot ram it down my throat!  I just cannot bring myself to eat anything.  The strange thing is that I am not feeling hungry and I dont actually want anything either.  Totally out of character for me!  

All I can do I guess is hope come later I will want to eat something?

I made an effort cooking the mussles... and to be honest I really enjoyed them and now the house smells of garlic! I love it!! :)

Day 75...

What I ate today... Thursday 28th March 2013

Breakfast...

Apple juice drink with iron supplement.  Egg done 2 ways with mushrooms.

 Lunch...

Heinz lentil soup with greek natural yogurt with raspberries and blueberries.. and the added nut mix :)

Dinner...

Sweet potato's and carrots with curry sauce (was with chicken but I have gone off chicken! So no chicken for me!)

So an interesting day... I want to do so well that now I think I am losing the plot slightly... Its not that I want to eat 'bad' foods, no.. its just I like to!  And I want to... but I know its bad and I am feeling like everything I am eating is like a punishment :(  Maybe I should feature in some treats?  If I do then I am afraid I will not have the strength to say no, or enough after 1 or 2.  I dont think I am that strong... I know I am not.

To be honest I am feeling pretty low.. this is the first time I have felt this way since starting and I know sooner or later this was going to happen.  I have to deal with this...

I need to ask myself why I am doing this...well that is obvious... I dont want to die.. I am right on the edge, a ticking bomb really...just waiting to get diabetes or other complications. I dont want that life... I want to change.  BUT ITS SO DAMN HARD :(

I dont know what it is I just feel sorry for myself I guess?  I got myself into this mess, I ate all those foods that put the weight on me.  I HAVE to get myself out of this, no one will help me so I have to help myself!  The GP just harps on about the dangers of being obese, but as I have not got any medical problems they wont help me... can they not see I am a ticking time bomb?  I joined the Weight Loss Guys and work out, when I am well enough... I love it.  But to be honest it is a LOT of money that we just cannot afford.  I pay the money for Han and I to go, sure we are seeing results but its a lot of money, money we need to be honest and I have to make cuts elsewhere.  To be healthy I have to eat healthy, OMG.. the food is SO expensive.  But what do I do?? I need to do something... everything cost money.  I am not the type of person to walk the streets, to exercise...  aaarrrrghhhhhhh some one help me!!!

Like I say I am feeling low... and its very unlike me.

I went to see the specialist the other day to see what they can do, you know to stop me from getting anemic and loosing so much blood.  Well it seems I need to accept that I am not going to have any more children.. this upset me greatly.  This was due to a few things, my weight, the fact that the only way they can help me is to put me onto a contraceptive drug, hormonal one.  And if that fails then to have key hole surgery to have a hysterectomy.  OK.. I think I knew I could not try for more children, its just the reality when it hits you.  My husband and I had been trying since we got married in 2009 and well it just did'nt happen.  And then in 2010 he had an accident that makes it almost impossible to try anyway.  I should of given up, but there was a spark in there hoping one day.  I have now lost that spark and its left me upset and all over the place.

So I have to go back for another visit to the specialist for some tests and see what they think is the best option. So I guess its no the wonder I am feeling like I am! :(

Day 74...

What I ate today... Wednesday 27th March 2013

Breakfast...

Small glass of apple juice with a 'new' iron supplement which I need to take every morning and evening...

And Greek natural yogurt with raspberries and blueberries, with the 'new' addition... 2 table spoons of flaxseed, almonds, brazil nuts, walnuts and Q10. 

Lunch...

Chopped lettace with cucumber, silver skin onions, sliced beetroot and a small amount of feta cheese with sun dried tomato's and herbs in olive oil.

Dinner...

Poached cod with broccoli and roasted carrots and sweet potato's in olive oil and garlic with herbs.

Now if your wondering, if you have noticed that is!?  I have missed a day out!! Yes I missed out Tuesday 26th March 2013!!  Why your wondering... hmm I felt like it!  ha ha :)

Now well, as you can see I have a new iron supplement to take, its much nicer than taking the tablets and neat iron liquid... this is actually quite pleasant as its in apple juice... and I like it!  When Han and I went to the Vitality Show in London I tried this and got a few free samples... its a 'nice' way to take iron seeing as I have to take it for months and months now.

The other new thing I have is the mixture to add to foods.. its really quite nice, takes a little in getting used to if your not into this.  Han does not like the texture or taste.. I do!! I have a few different flavours so will be adding them to some foods!

I was feeling OK and thought I was back on track with eating... not long after dinner, incidentally I left 1 piece of fish!  Any way a little time afterwards I started to get cramps again, and a very uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.  I just really dont know what is going on?  I think its OK... and its not :(  I And I feel that bloated now that even drinking is an effort.  Not sure what if anything I can do?  Eat smaller portions?  Eat bland things? Arrrrggghhhh its so frustrating.  

Han and I were both set to go to an exercise session with the Weight Loss Guys this evening...but... Han is and was really busy with her college work that needed to be in tomorrow, only having been given it today! hmmm

And me... I am in a right state.. cramps, pain and sickness... we got changed and everything, headed off in the car, the time was ticking on and we got about half way and I think I was turning green as with every movement of the car I wanted to throw up!  Han was now in a right state as all she was worried about was what was going to happen tomorrow with the work she had not done!  SO... I made an executive decision and turned the car around and went home.  Looking at the clock we would of been about 20 minutes late if we had of got there :(

If I am feeling OK tomorrow?  Then I may go for a swim whilst Han is at college... I am very aware I need to exercise.  I just hope this what ever is going on with me is not the start of the cycle again where I dont eat anything and get very anemic again?  Hope not.. I am taking the  iron supplement drink now.

There is another Weight Loss Guys session tomorrow night, I hope I am feeling better for that?  If not we will have to go after Easter.

Later in the evening I felt the need to eat something, so this is what I ate...

Pickled sliced beetroot and silver skin onions :)

Day 72...

What I ate today... Monday 25th March 2013

Breakfast...

Egg (dry fried) on 1 slice of thin bread, smeared with ketchup.

Lunch...

Erm... nothing :(

Dinner...

1 big Mac and 1 small fries... 

(no photo... was too interested in tasting the burger!)

Well another 'crazy' day as far as food goes!  So managed to eat breakfast, although it does not actually look very appetising... it was! ... then lost the plot for lunch... and evening dinner was something really really BAD!! lol  I know what some are going to say about WHY I chose to eat Mc Donalds today... no it was not due to me craving wrong foods, nope!! It was down to the fact that I fancied it, although I know it was not a good choice, I still made that choice... and look... its not every day I make this choice!  I did think about it, I am not feeling guilty, I enjoyed it!  And that is all really!  And as I had not had one in ages... I think I just wanted one!  So I had one!!

And its all about understanding why I made this choice, maybe as I felt I missed it?  Or just because I wanted to because I could!  Well these things are always going to be there, I need to learn to live with them.  I am not doing too bad... infact I am doing really well... I am more aware of what goes in my mouth now!

Tomorrow is another day....

Day 71, at The Vitality Show, London...

Sunday 24th March 2013...

Well I should say that Han and I had a great time and we loved every minute of the show.

Eating... hmmm we tried really hard to eat healthily and sensibly at the show... we ate a tuna and salad wholewheat wrap for lunch and in the evening we ate chicken in a really spicy sauce with a small amount of white rice... yes white rice... but we only had half rh amount that they give out!  So we tried!

We arrived at the show at about 10.30 a great time!  As it just opened at 10!  There was no queues for us!  We had fast track tickets and WOW they were a great buy!  

Inside OMG!! The place was massive and I have never seen so many traders in one place.  And people wanting you to try their products... really interesting!

With our fast tract ticket we also had a massage and facial booked... but that was not until near the end of the day.  (a pre-booked slot)

This is Han waiting for her facial!  All very exciting :)

The view I had waiting for my massage! :)

One of the 'rooms' used for the treatments :)

Walking around the building we saw loads of things but the thing we enjoyed the most was the sit down and listen to a presentation... it was the one for: 'Bitch with a bat'!!

The presentation we LOVED!!  It was GREAT!! All about stress releaving and learning to cope with different stresses... 

One activity was to blow a balloon up, draw a persons head on it, and maybe some words that irritate you about them!  And then pop it!! OMG...seriously you need to try this!! Its really effective! 

Thn we participated in a releasing a frustration exercise!  This we loved that much we are now on the look out for a plastic baseball bat!!

You basically just 'kill' the object, pillow, quilt, bed...what ever!! And release that frustration on it!! oooh its good!!

Han is in the middle, she gave it some and felt SO much better afterwards!

 And a video of me... lol 

We then found a stand that was taking peoples photos that had raised money for charity... well naturally we had to get in on that as we raised money for Great Ormond Street Hospital, when we had our hair shaved off!

And there we are....

All in all we loved the show and got LOADS of freebies... that was a bonus!! :)

We got back home really late, dead on our feet but it was worth it!

Day 70...

What I ate today... Saturday 23rd March 2013

Breakfast...

Egg, mushrooms and cherry tomato's.

 Lunch...

Nothing :(


Dinner...

Sorry no photo... but had Broccoli, carrot and roasted sweet potato's with a small piece of beef pie.

By all accounts a very boring food day :(

I am very tired today, need more sleep!!  I was up and out early as I was car hunting with my dad!  We were checking out some cars and if suitable to then take Jon on Monday :)  As it is Jon and I are going to Citron on Monday to test drive a car... good to keep your options open! :)

And well tomorrow Han and I are off to The Vitality Show in Earls Court London :)  Ooooh really excited about this!  

Still trying to read all I need to for the 3rd question for my assignment... getting there but its slow progress :(  I contacted my tutor to ask for an extension just in case I need one.. I just did not want to leave it to the last minute and start to panic.  So I now have until the 5th April, so am a little more relaxed about what I have to do now, and because I am relaxed I dont feel pressured and will now be able to complete it, hopefully under the new time limit. 

What is it with my appetite?  Still not feeling the need to eat... I have been trying to drink more, even this is hard as I just dont want to.  But its OK I am drinking, Jon keeps reminding me to!! :(

Day 69...

What I ate today... Friday 22nd March 2013

Breakfast...  :(

Lunch... 

I realised I should eat something so bought a prawn on wholewheat sandwich... I took 2 bites and realised I could not eat any more :(  Just have no appetite.

Dinner...

Salad with a little grated cheddar in and Cesar salad dressing. 

Well another naff day as my appetite is really bad,  I just dont get it... I am not hungry, I dont want to eat anything...why??  I literally have to force myself to eat something.

I made a salad for dinner, with a little grated cheese in, and I actually ate this!! But some 15 minutes later now I have stomach cramps and feeling a little ill.  I dont know why my body is reacting like this?  I know I need to eat, I am trying to...

I signed up to the Graze box in the hope that I would 'nibble' a few things they do?!  Well it arrived this morning and yes I did try one of the things... summer berry flapjack... very tasty and yummy :)  I signed up to get one every 2 weeks... It does look rather yummy...see for yourself..

I have been really busy today, and am afraid to say my Open University assignment what is due in this Wednesday took a back seat :(  So I have tomorrow, the afternoon any way as I am car hunting tomorrow with my dad!  I like the Toyota but he says I should keep my options open and look at other cars!  So we are looking at the Orlando by Vauxhall.  hmmm I may need a lot of convincing!

I have put in a bowl some natural yogurt with blueberries and raspberries.. its been sitting on my desk a little while now.. not actually sure I want to eat it.  It may have to go into the fridge for breakfast.

So onto some good news...

Han and I went to The Weight Loss Guys exercise session this evening and we got weighed.  Han is doing great, she lost 4 lbs this week!! Great huh!!  I got weighed and lost 2 lbs this week :)  So we are both doing really well :)

GO US!! :)

Day 68...

What I ate today... Thursday 21st March 2013

Breakfast... :(

Lunch... :(

Dinner... 

Chicken and green bean curry with wholewheat brown rice :)

What I left....  :(

Hmmm today has been a rather odd day... I dropped Han off at college and went round my parents.  They were off to town so I tagged along!  Had a skinny 1 shot latte in town... and then my mum treated me to the hairdressers as I was 'moaning' that my hair was getting on my nerves!  

So food wise I have not eaten anything... I got home at around 4 pm today after being out all day and ate a banana... I do not feel hungry, I am not hungry and am rather puzzled.  I thought my appetite was starting to pick up again?

OK so its nearly 6 pm and I have dinner on the go... chicken curry with wholewheat brown rice.  The chicken is always white breast meat as I will not eat any other chicken meat... I don't like the bones. 

And another thing... today was my scheduled study day, to work on my assignment, question 3 of TMA 1.  Well that did not happen and now I need to catch up!  Its is due in next Wednesday!! OMG!! Pull your finger out Jacquie!! 

I mentioned I went to the hair dressers.... my hair is slowly growing back after being shaved off when Han had her head operation.  And well it was getting me down so mum treated me to a new style and a trim.  Its funny I feel happier and OK about it now!  

My new hair style... shame about my cheesy grin!

Day 67...

What I ate today... Wednesday 20th March 2013

Breakfast...

Greek natural yogurt with raspberries, blueberries and a drizzle of honey... mmm

Lunch...

Lettuce chopped with cucumber and a very small amount of finely grated cheddar, with a drizzle of Cesar salad dressing.

Snack...

Hummus (only ate a bit out of the middle after tasting them all!) with carrot sticks.

Dinner...

Vegetable and king prawn stirfy :) (did not eat all of this!!)

News...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

AAArrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!! Today is going to be an amazing day!  Well its started really well I have SO much to share...

As you can see from the picture of The Script, today Hannah and I are off to see them live!! aaaarrrghhhh!!! We are VERY excited about this! hmmm can you tell!? We bought our tickets October last year!! And they are VIP tickets so NO queues!!  That is a first, last time we saw The Script live we queued for over 12 hours!  I know we are totally mental!  No doubt there will be photos and a special update.

Some other interesting news... I joined something called BzzAgent :)  Its a place where you register (all free) and fill out surveys about all different products.  And if you are selected you are sent some of the products free and basically the manufacturers want you to test them and then report on them honestly.  So this is my new thing!! And I have been chosen for my first campaign.... E45:

(Borrowed from BzzAgent photos)

So I will test it when it arrives and let you know what I think! :)  Its all really exciting! Bet your thinking OMG she is so excitable over some cream! lol  hmmm I guess so!!

And more news...

Hannah is 18 this year, and OMG what to do?!  OMG 18!!  So I have ordered a cake for her... (not saying too much just incase she pops on here to check out my blog!) Ha ha hannah - no clues here!! 

I can tell you what I have planned for her Birthday, she is helping me plan it!! We are off to Paris!! I asked her where would you like to go... anywhere!! And Paris is what she came up with!! hmm now if that were me I would of said something a bit further!! 

So yes planning a kind of 4 day break right over her birthday (12th May) visiting loads of sights.  I should say that we will not have any bother with the language.. this is because we used to live in France!! I know and your all thinking why are we going back!!?  Well we lived in the middle of France and never actually visited Paris, we drove around it though!  Hannah loves everything French, she speaks the lingo as a native having schooled there and really blends in and you could not tell if she were French or English!  Me however.. I do speak French but no where as good as her!  So the language is no bother and I know we will have so much fun.  One of the highlights for Hannah will be going up the Eiffel Tower... hmm its a bit high!  I think we should walk up all the stairs too!! And I an planning to have a meal there as there is a restaurant on level 1, something special for her.

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Something that is happening a bit nearer to home... well London!  This weekend is the Vitality Show and yes you guessed it we both have tickets!!  We are off there this Sunday (24th March).  OMG... I tell you everything happens at the same time!! lol

(Borrowed from Vitality Show Facebook Page)

We have never been to this show before, it looks really good, lots of things to see and do..and naturally we have VIP tickets!  Only way to go these days! So in our ticket we get this... its nice to do something different now and then...

So no doubt we will have photos to share from our day out, and some freebies! :)  

No doubt there will be more things to tell you!  I am clock watching...so as Hannah finishes college we are off!! That is at 3pm!  Ooh in a hour!   I had good intentions to do some studying today as I have an assignment due in very soon... but no, nothing done!  Hmmm There is always tomorrow!  I actually have a clear day tomorrow! :)

Day 66...

What I ate today... Tuesday 19th March 2013

Breakfast...

Egg, mushrooms and 'burnt' lol bacon!! I forgot about it!! :(

Lunch...

Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries and a drizzle of honey.

Dinner...

Spicy chilli minced beef with broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and green beans.  Topped with sweet potoato's.

Feeling really good at the moment... off to a session with The Weight Loss Guys!! Seems like I have not done any exercise in ages... I will no doubt be aching and sore after tonight session?! 

Day 65...

What I ate today... Monday 18th March 2013

Breakfast...

Scrambled egg and mushrooms.

Lunch...

3 Chipolata small sausages with reduced salt and sugar ketchup. (No photo as I forgot!)


Dinner...

50g wholewheat brown rice with breast chicken is a curry paste.

I think my appetite is coming back, but I am now being really fussy with what I am eating.... I really have no idea what is going on?  I guess its good that I am eating more?!  

I removed the evening snack as I did not eat the yogurt and fruit snack.... 

Just noticed..this day is terrible... no vegetables!! What!! Not like me at all!! Hmmm have to sort that out!!

I went for a swim in the evening, and a nice relax in the sauna.... after that nice relaxing session I then went shopping!! I must be mental!  Topped up on essentials...Greek yogurt and fresh fruit!! Chicken!! :)

Feeling actually happier than recent days... its really strange how things effect you, you know like the weather stresses of studying... that type of thing.  Learning to cope and manage my stress is key I think.  I am only human!!  

Staying positive is very important to me, positive vibes make me feel anything is achievable and I can do things.

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Appetite...

(Borrowed from Google Images)

Thought I would talk and think about food!  See over the past week or so food has not really been on my priority list!  I know its rather odd, and SO not like me!!  What on earth is going on, I love food!! 

So eating 'light' meals are OK.. so I think this is the way to go for now.  I am really into the natural greek yogurt with blueberries and raspberries.  A shocker really as I would never of thought of eating blueberries, but they add a kind of sweetness to the yogurt.  I think I will be buying this a lot!!

The family seems to be eating a lot of chicken at the moment!  Han loves chicken and would eat it every meal time if she could!  Me well I am not fussed, and would rather not eat it.  My idea of a nice meal would be an assortment of all types of vegetables, mmmm!! Meat, nope I dont eat a lot of it, just does not interest me!  And I dont like a lot of it unless it is cremated!

UPDATING THROUGHOUT THE DAY....