Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Having a URGH day....

Hello friends, thank you for popping in to see me....you know I think it's only my stitching and this blog holding me together right now..

Yes it's true I am having a major URGH day.....
So today I am going to do something different...

Sorry there is not a lot of stitching but I am preoccupied today with things running around my head...

I have to say a wonderful thank you to Frances ... 

This was the back of the envelope!! So sweet...

She sent me a very pretty Easter card, and the sweetest Prairie Schooler chart....it has a cute bunny!! 

I thank Frances so much for thinking of me, taking the trouble to send me this....thank you heaps xx. Frances....if your reading this,....I am so sorry but I cannot send you a thank you card in return until...well who knows?  So sorry... But I won't forget....as I have not forgotten about all the other wonderful friends that have previously sent things.  :)

Going to show you all my stitching now.... 

An up date at what I am actually stitching....

It's this one.... Did you guess I would start this one first? Well it has a sheep in it!!

I started with glorious colour....sugar plum....mmmmm

And my stitching....

Not sure if you can see but I am stitching it on blue 14 count Aida.  Thought I would add some colour!!

Not a bad start, but had a lot of things on my mind today.

Ok....well if you are only here for the stitching content then do not read below the line....as I am chatting away ...I needed to chat so let it all out here.  

I am giving you the option here....if your not interested....then please just head straight to the comments box... And thank you so much for popping in.  If however you want to hang about your more then welcome to...but below this line I am talking about me... Just so you know.
Here is the start of my URGH day!!!

I just am fed up, frustrated beyond belief and am sick of everyone doing things for me...hmmm when I can usually do them for myself....hence the frustration!!

Well to be honest... I am hanging in there...just I think.  All y carers that visit me in the morning to help with washing have asked me how I am coping as there is no way on earth that they could last as long as I have just in bed not going anywhere...hmmmm so hence my URGH day!!

I sit and think....all I have to do is get up, stand up and put one foot in front of the other and walk .... Into the kitchen, into the bathroom....anywhere...just walk....

In reality I can't.... I sit on the edge of the bed lean forward and any weight onto my left leg and I start to feel pain.  It's a deep stabbing pain....I cannot straighten my leg, it won't go straight.  I try to stand up straight and that pulls my,leg and ...pain!!  So all I can do is hold the windowsill and bed and manage about two hops... But then I start to loose my balance and become really frightened of falling...so end up sitting on the bed again.  I get really out of breath too...my body has not moved properly since 9th January when all this started.

I feel awful because I want to be me again...I want to walk.... I am the driver in our house and my car has not moved since last year!! Oh my dad a few weeks ago started it up... And took the hand brake off...so it should be ok.. It only 2 years old, under warranty .....it's a mobility car so they will sort it out if I have a problem when I do eventually get back to using it.

If you have just popped into my blog and got this far.... Thank you for sticking with me... I am sorry if it's not want you want to read...yes my blog does show a lot of stitching things as well as other things I get up to... But today because it's an URGH day need to talk!  I don't really have anyone to talk to so...guess it's you guys!! Sorry.

I was kind of hoping once out of hospital I would start to get better...it seems I am not, and for me it feels like I have let everyone down.  That is how I feel.... Things have really got worse if I am honest.  The physio session, the first one injured me more and now they are looking at increasing my medication more....I just cannot cope with any pain.  They have to manage my pain before I walk...but my leg is not strong enough to walk...it's like a vicious circle...  I have to have physio...at least now we are doing tiny movements...even the next day I felt them!! What on earth am I to do?

Our whole situation is awful....jon bless him is literally dead on his feet doing the best he can, where he can...he is very limited as he has his own disability to take care of.  I am very conciousness of him trying to do more and more...but I feel awful as he is so tired.  I am frighted he will fall or just burn out.  Poor Han.... Well I feel awful that I cannot take her anywhere, or do anything with her...that is getting to me a lot.  She is trying to help out around the house too, but again she is limited, as her back condition  restricts her a lot.

Our house is almost them and me....understandably they spend their time in the living room...I cannot get in there.  I cannot join in in anything, I hear them chatting, laughing...and then there is me on my bed... I think it's because I don't have any control, the fact I could not join in even if I wanted to.  I feel left out...due to my leg.  

I hope our family gets help, any kind of help....soon.  We need it.  I recently spoke with a social worker, explained our situation and I don't think she could believe that our family is functioning!   That is just it...we are getting by.... But I have no idea for how much longer??   So I am hoping to hear back from them soon...to see what they can help us with as a family.

Previously I have told you about the Red Cross...I am over the moon we have this in place...it's not really something I thought we would use.  But it's just the knowing that they are there...and the lady that has been coming to visit us is very sweet..and wants to help out anywhere she can.  Half the time we don't know what to say to her, but are grateful that she comes.  I don't know how long or how much longer this will be for?  When this goes....then what?  We will be on our own... 

Having never been in at his kind of situation before none of us know what to do or where to go for help...but me having this with my knee and stuck in bed 24/7 is affecting all of us.... And yes I see it would, but why is someone not helping us then??

Told you I would talk about myself....

Sometimes I don't know what I would do if I never had this blog, it's been keeping me focused, stitching and tried to keep me positive.  I guess you could say I have fallen off the wagon!!

I will get back up.... I just have to realise I am like this, I will be like this for a while longer....and I need to deal with it.  I need to be stronger... Maybe writing here is making me stronger?  Well it's got me back on the wagon!! Ha ha 

I guess it's to be expected that I feel like this ....I just need to learn to deal with it, that is the hard part.

But I have questions... Why is my knee not getting any better??

Sure it's a severe flare up that has now apparently turned into chronic knee osteoarthritis ... 

Ok...take now, it's almost 2 am here, Han is in bed, jon is next to me sleeping, I see and hear him kind of breathing heavier than usual so I know he is asleep!! He does not snore....I should be thankful, right?!  So I have a situation....I am laying sitting in bed as I do throughout the day..I don't have my quilt over me yet, but that is ok, I just unroll it from the centre.  The issue is I have thick woolly socks on, see though out the day my feet get cold.  I cannot get my socks off, I cannot go to sleep with them on and the quilt... Way way too hot.  So a dilemma.... Do I sleep without my quilt tonight, I think I will have to as I do not want to wake jon.  Yes that is what I will have to do.

But it's silly things like that..... Things I took for granted, things I could do that now I cannot.... And I really don't like asking anyone for help, unless they happen to come pop in my room as they do throughout the day.  So I ask for things to be done then...or I am asking too much I think.  It's awful that I have to ask anyway.... Then for jon or Han to do something for me...I cannot cope with that... But know I need them or I would not get fed and a lot of other things too would not happen.

No one gives you a manual for situations like this.....

I don't think we are coping....

Ok I will stop now or if I continue I fear blogger will chuck me off for writing way way too much!!  

Sorry it's here...in fact I am in two minds wether to post this blog or not.... I think the only reason I am posting is because I believe in letting emotions out and talking about things, it's a kind of self help and healing process I think!  Hmmmmm. Well it makes me feel better knowing I have written about what is going on in my head.

Ha ha well I best go.... Thank you if you got this far.... Well you may kind of understand how I feel every day... 

Happy stitching....

Smiles ....


  1. Once upon a time my girlfriend had a broken leg and was stuck in bad. Then she discovered that she can use office chair on wheals to get around the kitchen and so on. She was doing pretty good.
    If you can get a stick or somehow reach your right foot to get the sock off, then using your right foot maybe you could slip the sock off from the left foot. I know it's kind of awkward and it requires a lot of imaginative exercise, but what the heck - time isn't an issue right? Love and hugs.

    1. Oops, my girlfriend was a good girl and she was stuck in bed.

  2. How kind are friends.
    Love your stitching.
    Good you can get your worries out on the blog , instead of keeping them inside .
    Have faith you will get there hugs.

  3. hang in there and yes write it out.......that does help.............

  4. Gorgeous new stitching Jacquie. So sorry to read how difficult this time is for you xx

  5. Super pretty new start & love your progress already.
    Okay Jacquie! I am so glad for you that you have your blog and all of us are here for you. It's a great way of being able to keep in touch and not feel your alone even though Jon & Hannah are there. I totally understand & hear where you are coming from (had my mom & aunt that when they had knee surgery they also went thru somethings you are going thru). Sounds like your asking all the right questions for help not only for you but for your family as well. Great idea EvalinaMaria had of having a long stick to remove socks. I googled "Sock Aids" but looks like they were able to bend their knees and you can't. But still look it up if you can.
    Lovely card & chart from Frances! Sending you happy well wishes - love Annette

  6. Great new start. I would be going crazy too. Hope things look up soon.

  7. Jacquie, I am praying for you. I think a chair with wheels sounds fantastic. Would it work in your apartment? Keep thinking dear.♥

  8. Great new start, it is a cute project!
    Last year my mum broke her leg and live in a second floor apartment without lift..
    She relied a lot on her crutches to move around. Perhaps you could ask for some.

  9. Do you think you would be able to use a wheelchair for the daytime? If you need to keep your leg elevated, you can do that in the wheelchair. Just a thought.

  10. Hello Jackie

    I'm pleased to have found your lovely blog. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and like you I'm sick of it.
    |It's the endless medication that gets me. I have a wheelchair for bad days and I don't like it but it makes moving about easier.

    I love your new start and that thread is gorgeous!

    Best wishes and hope you feel better soon.
    Bye (:

  11. I was laid up for a few months with knee problems and it was such a nightmare - it was weeks before I could make my knees straight. I hear you about realizng how many small things you take for granted until you can't do them. We got one of those grabby things they use to pick up trash, and it helped me a lot with things like getting socks off and fixing blankets that had scooched down where I couldn't reach them. And I second Evalina on the office chair, I live in a condo so the wall is never too far away, and I had two canes so I could kind of row myself around. I was lucky that I had an injury and it healed, which I know is a lot different than RA. I hope the doctors find something that works for your pain.

  12. Aww Hun I'm sorry you're out of sorts I'd be feeling the same way. Are you not able to use crutches? You should order one of those grabber things to pull your socks off ;). Luckily we live in an age where you can get pretty much everything shipped to you. I know that when I get arthritis pain I have to ice the heck out of it. And if you have alcohol and a ziplock you can make your own ice packs super cheap. Cheer up things will get better :). Keep in mind if the positions were switched you'd be happy to take care of your family so I'm sure they don't mind that's what family is for

  13. http://heavenandearthdesigns.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=160_39&products_id=8081 Just in case ;)

  14. Dear Jacquie,
    Please feel free to dump ALL your emotions here - we can take it! I really, really feel for you... I know what it is like to feel like you can't do anything yourself and everyone has to help you all the time and you can do nothing in return and you feel so in debt and so guilty for taking up their precious time... It can really get you down... But don't forget that the people in your life LOVE you, and they help you because they love you. I'm sure you would do the same for them if things were reversed, because you love them too. And it could be worse, so I'm sure they rather have you helpless in bed at home than not at all. My friend had a stroke a few years back (she's thankfully healthy again) but I know that her husband and sons helped out all they could at the time because they had to live with knowing what COULD have happened...
    I'm soo glad that you can find some joy and help from this blog, and that you can do some wonderful cross stitching to pass some time at least:)
    I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

  15. So glad you have a blog so you can write about what is happening...lots of people have suggestions and positive thoughts for you. I tore my achillies and was house bound for 6 months...at least I had crutches so could hobble about the place...the grabby thingy is a good idea for your socks...the physio might have some ideas of things that could help you with problems like that ot ask her to find you an occupational therapist.....that might help you too...
    Hang in there.....I can see you scooting about on a wheelie chair!! :-)

  16. So sorry you've had such a bad time with your knee. It really doesn't seem fair that you work so hard caring for Jon and now you're laid up yourself.
    I'm glad the Red Cross lady helps, make sure you ask her for what else is available. You don't know until you ask.

  17. Hi Jacquie: I came over to visit from Vickie's blog - A Stitcher's Story. I just had to reply to this post and I know exactly how you are feeling. I had a surgery on my knee that went horribly wrong (I won't go into more detail) and my other knee is going, so lots of pain and lots of staying in my room, too. I can walk - I'm so sorry you can't - but it's painful. My heart is so full for you! I'm so, so sorry you're going through all this. It is hard to sit back and let our families take care of us, when we want to do it ourselves. It's hard, too, to see and hear life going on without us. Please know that I am praying for you and will pray for your healing and also for you to get the aid that you need. I think it's great that you share on your blog - it gives you a chance to share and get things off your mind and it allows us to know how to pray for you. Be kind to yourself!

    Blessings - Julie


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